Nightmares from the PastPart 1 of Sins
by abbaspice1
Summary: Xena wants to visit Gabrielle's family. But the visit will open a deep and horrible secret from Gabrielle's past. WARNING: This series deals with physical and sexual child abuse.
1. Nightmares from the Past

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**Nightmares From the Past** **by Paully Adams**

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**Disclaimers:** Xena, Gabrielle and any other characters featured in the actual TV series are copyrighted to MCA/Universal and Renaissance Pictures; just borrowing for this story. The rest of the story and other characters are mine. Please contact me before using any of my stuff. Thanks. 

SPOILERS: This series takes place during season five. However in my timeline, anything to do with the twillight never happened! So basically everything up to "Succession" is up for grabs. 

SERIES DISCLAIMER: This is part 1 of a series. However, this story also contains material found in "Sophia's Family" and "Sophia's Choice". You may want to read both stories to fully understand what is going on. 

VIOLENCE WARNING/DISCLAIMER: This story depicts scenes of violence and/or their aftermath. Readers who are disturbed by or sensitive to this type of depiction may wish to read something other than this story. 

HURT/COMFORT WARNING/DISCLAIMER: This story focuses on child abuse: physical, sexually and mental. As my beta reader Virginia said "[The stories] were intense but not so that a reader would be squeamish." If you think you would have trouble with this story or that this story will cause you discomfort, please find something else to read. I've suffered enough discomfort writing this for the both of us. 

Thanks to my beta reader Virginia for editing this series. 

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_"Come here, you little..." he didn't finish his sentence. Instead, he grabbed her and pulled her close. "Why do you have to be so bad?" He looked down into her eyes which were wide with fright. "You know its your fault. You tease men with your words and they fall under your spell." His breath was hot and heavy and it seemed to pound her flesh with every breath. "When you were younger, I tried to beat that evilness out of you. But it didn't work. You are so stubborn. Now, you are older, a woman." His left hand slid down her arm, her hand, and finally settled on her thigh. "And unfortunately, you have placed me under your spell. I am yours." He sneered and drew his face closer. "And now, I will make you mine." _

"NO!!!" Gabrielle screamed out in her sleep as she swung her arms, trying to fight the ghost in her mind. Xena wrapped her arms around her."Gabrielle, wake up!" 

But as soon as Gabrielle felt the arms holding her, a blood-curdling scream left her mouth. Xena removed her arms from the young woman and instead said words of love and affirmation in a soothing voice. "Gabrielle, honey. It's a nightmare. Your here with me, Xena. Calm down." 

Gabrielle opened her eyes as the spell that the nightmare had over her was broken. Gabrielle began to sob uncontrollably. Xena reached out to her, but as soon as Xena's hand brushed her skin, Gabrielle winced. "Don't touch me!" Gabrielle curled her petite frame into a ball, her blond hair hid her face. 

Xena looked over at her partner with concern shining through her eyes. "Gabrielle, you need to talk to someone." 

"Xena, leave it be." 

Xena pulled her hand through her raven hair in frustration. "No, I won't leave it be. Gabrielle, the nightmares are getting worst. Remember giving me this?" She pointed to her black eye. "Now, you won't even let me touch you, comfort you." 

"Is that all you are worried about, touching me? Fine." Gabrielle rolled over on her back. "Go ahead, touch me...do whatever you want. I don't care." 

Xena took a deep breath, and spoke through tight lips, trying to control her temper. "Gabrielle, get up now. I don't understand what is going on, but I'm trying to help you." 

Gabrielle sat up. "You can't help me." With that, she stood up and walked off from the camp. 

Xena couldn't do anything but watch her soul mate as she left. Usually it was Gabrielle who would calm down Xena after a nightmare. However, their roles would reverse once a year. For as long as she has known her, the same time every year, Gabrielle would have nightmares. The nightmares would come and hold Gabrielle hostage for a week. By the end of the week, Gabrielle acted like a frightened child, scared of every shadow and strange noise. Xena had in the past, tried to get Gabrielle to talk about it, or at least write down her emotions, but she refused. But this year, the nightmares seemed stronger. Last night, Xena received a black eye from a sleeping Gabrielle when Xena tried to wake her aftera nightmare. Tonight, Gabrielle refused to be touched. 

*I wonder what is causing her nightmares to become worse?* Xena thought about the events from the pass couple of months. Nothing unusually. The same typical stuff: saving towns, rescuing villagers, taking a break at Amazonia, in fact nothing different, except for the trip to Poteidaea. I wonder if this trip has anything to do with it? Xena really did not look forward to this trip, but it'd been three years since Gabrielle saw her family and Xena thought it was about time for a visit, so she sent a messenger to let the family know that Gabrielle and she were on their way. Gabrielle seemed shocked and outraged by the surprise. Xena was mulling about this information, while Gabrielle came back to camp. 

Her eyes were swollen and bloodshot from crying. She didn't say a word, but took a seat on the other side of the fire and sat against a log. The night was warm, and the stars were bright. She looked up at the sky, and noticed the darkness of the sky. *Empty. Nothingness. I wish I could find that place. A place where I 

could feel nothing at all.* She sighed. 

Xena mistakenly thought Gabrielle was looking at something else. "The stars are beautiful, aren't they?" 

"Huh, what? Oh, I guess so. Goodnight Xena." She leaned further on the log, and closed her eyes. 

Xena's jaw dropped. We've have never slept apart, not since... I don't believe this.... Why won't she talk...ugh! Xena stood up, walked to Gabrielle and sat down. "Listen Gabrielle, is this about Poteidaea?" Xena knew the answer when she heard Gabrielle's sharp intake of breath. 

Gabrielle opened her eyes and stared at Xena. Her eyes were crystal green, reflecting the anger and sadness she felt. *Damn it Xena, just leave it alone.* "Xena, you know that there are things about your past that you won't share with me. Well, everyone has a past, including me. And there are some things I don't share with anyone. Okay?" 

"No, not okay. I want to help. We can face whatever is troubling you. Together we can solve anything." 

"THERE IS NOTHING TO SOLVE!" Gabrielle lowered her voice. "Please Xena, let it go." 

"I love you, Gabrielle. I don't like seeing you in pain. There is nothing that you can't tell me. If I can do anything to make it go away, let me do it, please." 

"There is nothing you can do. It's late and I just want to go to sleep." 

"You want to go asleep. Fine." Xena walked over to their bed pallets and blankets, and pulled them over to where Gabrielle was sitting. "We sleep, but don't expect us to ever, ever sleep apart. I'm going to help you through this, no matter what. I love you." 

Gabrielle lowered her head. "For your sake, don't love me too much." She laid on the bed pallets and wrapped herself with one of the blankets. 

Xena stood there stunned. What are you so scared of? Xena laid by her love. And every time a nightmare threatened to overcome her, Xena was there to stop it with her soothing words. 

***** 

Three pairs of eyes looked down at the scene below. All three were concerned because someone that each of them cared for was involved. "Hey, sis, just where is my Guardian?" 

Athena looked at her sister, the Goddess of love. Aphrodite just seemed to naturally sparkle. Her flowing white dress fitted her well. Athena never quite understood her sister. Talk about contradictions. Innocent, sweet, experienced, sassy, smart and yet foolish all rolled into one person; the perfect persona of love. *How does she pull it off?* Athena looked at herself and her other sister Artemis. Both looked like warriors, Artemis dressed in deerskin with her silver bow and arrows, her green eyes flashing; always ready for a hunt or a fight. Athena herself wore her silver breastplate armor, and a leather dress underneath. She carried her trusted spear in her left hand. "You know Aphrodite that she goes away to do what she has to do." 

"Well, I need her here. These two are never going to make it." 

"She's right, Athena. She may be the only one who can talk some sense in my Chosen One." 

Athena sighed, and looked at her family. "You know, we have to do a better job and picking Chosen Ones and Guardians. Why do we always seem to pick stubborn ones?" 

"Maybe it is in the bloodline." Aphrodite's smart side was starting to shine through. "I mean just look at the facts. My Guardian is your daughter through your former Chosen One and Ares. Talk about stubbornness, the child had no chance!" She looked at Athena, and saw anger flashed through her gray eyes. "Opps! Sorry Athena, you know what I mean." She swallowed and quickly continued, "and Artemis chooses some fast talking bard to be her Chosen One and Queen of the Amazons, who can be as stubborn as Artemis herself." She realized she said something she shouldn't, when she noticed that Artemis removed her bow, plucked at the string, and then looked back at her like she was some game to be hunted. "Anyway, Gabrielle was able to find her soul mate, your Chosen One Athena. And let me tell you, Xena has to be the most stubborn person I've had ever met. She's as stubborn as..." She did some quick calculating, as realized that she was the only one of the three that hadn't been insulted. "...Me!" She smiled. "And because they are soul mates who found each other, and have such great love they come under my care!" 

Artemis looked at Aphrodite with new found respect. *She's not a dingbat after all.* "Wow, that almost made sense. Almost." She looked at Athena. "Well, can Sophia make it?" 

Athena sighed. "She's going to have to. I'll tell Hades to send her up. I just hope her darkness doesn't overpower her." 

"Don't worry, Athena baby. Love is the most powerful force. She'll do fine." 

***** 

So far, the day had taken place in complete silence. Xena looked at Gabrielle, who quietly rode her brown steed. Gabrielle still did not have a name for her new companion, so Xena called him Horse. Gabrielle stared straight ahead, not paying attention to the flowers, the insects or to the summer sky. Xena decided to break the silence. "The sky sure is pretty, today. And look at the buttercups. They are so pretty. And the butterflies, They are so..." she paused trying to find the perfect word. "Pretty." 

Tension and exhaustion crept into Gabrielle's voice. "Is everything pretty to you today?" 

Xena bristled at Gabrielle's tone, and decided that silence was better. Xena's eyes focused on the road, while her mind focused on her bard. *We need to talk, and soon.* She took a quick glance at Gabrielle. *You are trying to shut everything out, but I won't let that happen.* 

Up ahead, Xena noticed a lone figure dressed in black leathers, with silver adornment on the shoulders and the waist running towards them. *Thanks the gods, it's a friendly face.* 

Gabrielle was lost in her thoughts. The nightmare had invaded the day. She could see him coming toward her. She wanted to run, but fear froze her body. Even if she could run, there was no place to hide. He would have found her, and his wrath would have been worse. 

The lone figure stood in front of the horses, and waved at Xena before addressing Gabrielle. "Gabrielle..." Before anyone could blink Gabrielle had pulled out a sai and flung it straight at the figure. Sophia caught the sai right before the blade entered her chest. 

Xena looked at Gabrielle with shock. "Gabrielle what is wrong with you!" 

Sophia reached out and touched Xena, and shook her head no. She then walked over to Gabrielle, and gently but quickly pulled Gabrielle off the saddle. Gabrielle started to struggle and scream. "Its all right, Gabrielle. It's me Sophia. Everything is going to be all right." Sophia pulled her into a hug and gently caressed Gabrielle's head. Gabrielle scream lessened into sobs. Sophia continued comforting a confused and grief-stricken Gabrielle. 

Xena jumped down from Argo, and watched as Sophia tried to reach Gabrielle. *She's in so much pain. By the gods, I feel so helpless.* 

"Sophia?" 

"Yes, it's me. Everything will be all right." 

"By the gods, I'm so sorry. I thought..." 

"I know what you thought. Hush, it's alright. I promise you, he won't hurt you again." Gabrielle's sobs softened as Sophia continued to comfort her. "Hey, you're getting pretty good with these things." Sophia's bad attempt at lightening the mood and changing the subject was wasted. She looked at Xena and motioned 

Xena to take Gabrielle. Xena embraced Gabrielle as she sighed. 

"Oh Xena, I'm so sorry, you must think of me as a monster." 

"I could never think of you as such. I'm just worried about you. Gabrielle you need to tell me what's going on." 

"No, I can't." She pushed Xena away. Gabrielle needed to change the topic. "So Sophia, what are you doing here?" 

"I'm on my way to Poteidaea for a visit." 

"Really, that is where we are headed." Xena looked over to Gabrielle. "I thought it was about time that Gabrielle visited her family." *Now I'm wondering if that was such a good idea.* 

Gabrielle could not believe that this was just coincidence. Therewas only three people who knew. "So are you here for pleasure? Or for business?" 

"What do you think?" 

"I think that maybe you should mind your business." 

"This is my business, remember who I am Gabrielle. There are beings who care greatly about you. You don't need to be alone at this time." 

Xena was getting frustrated. *What are they taking about? Damn this code-talk. 

I'm going to get to the bottom of this.* 

Gabrielle looked to Xena. "I'm not alone." 

Sophia looked at Xena. "So I guess you know what this is about?" 

"No, I don't. Gabrielle refuses to tell me." Xena swiped her hand through her hair. 

"So you are going into this blind." She faced Gabrielle again. "You might as well be alone. No disrespect meant Xena, but there is no way you can help if you don't know what is going on. If fact, you might make it worse." 

Xena raised her eyebrow. "Make what worse?" 

Gabrielle silently pleaded with Sophia not to tell. Sophia sighed and shook her head yes. "I can't tell you. She has to." Sophia walked to Gabrielle and grasped both shoulders. "Tell her, for both your sakes. She doesn't need to hear it from anyone else." Sophia turned and walked away, giving the couple some privacy. 

Xena looked at Gabrielle, who had started to shiver. There were plenty candlemarks of light left in the day, but Xena knew that Gabrielle needed to rest and regroup. "Come on, lets make camp, then we can talk." Gabrielle nodded her agreement. 

Xena found a spot for camp in a meadow, about 60 paces from the road. As the three nearly finished making camp in relative silence Sophia stood up. "I'm going to go hunting; be back at sunset." She reached out a hug Gabrielle and whispered, "Tell her." She then took out her daggers, check the blades, and place them back. She walked to Xena and placed her hand on her shoulder. "She is going to need your strength." She headed to the woods leaving the two soulmates alone. 

Xena sat across from Gabrielle. "I need to know. No matter what had happened in the past, I will always love you; you know that, don't you?" 

Gabrielle leaned her head back and looked at the sky. She took a deep breath and lower her head, looking at the ground. Xena noticed that Gabrielle refused to look at her. 

"Xena, you know I haven't seen my family in years." Xena nodded. "There is a reason for that. But before I tell you, promise me that you won't interrupt me. I might chicken out from telling you if you do." Xena nodded again, agreeing to the terms. 

"People who live in Poteidaea follow the old way of thinking. Everything is an omen, a sign from the gods. When I was born, I had six toes on my feet." Xena smiled, remembering she made that discovery during their adventures in the dreamscape. "Well, my family took that was as a sign; a sign that I was different. My father...my father took it as a sign that I had some evil power." She swallowed again. "When I was a child, anything that I did that was different was frowned upon. Usually I got beaten for it." 

I remember the first time I told a story, and everyone loved it. They bragged to my parents about how gifted I was. That night, my father beat me for telling stories. He said that my voice was a evil power that could control people. Then, another time my uncle captured a few horses. The men were trying to break them, but they were fighting a losing battle. Then one of the men got to close, and the horse kicked him and was about to trample him. I don't know what possessed me, but I went to where the horse was, and spoke to him, kind of like what I did with Horse. He clamed down, and the others were able to pull the injured man out. That day, my uncle gave me my pony, and within two hours I was riding him. 

My uncle told my father that I had a gift for animals. That night, I was beaten. It was so bad that I couldn't leave the house for weeks." 

But you know, no matter how many beating I received, I couldn't stop telling stories. In fact, making up stories was the thing that kept me sane. I would hide in my fantasy world of adventure. I guess he finally gave up. The beatings stopped after my 12th summer. I guess I was spending so much time at Sophia's home, that he worried that they would see the bruises. In fact, I realized that he would never hit me if I was over at Sophia's or if Sophia was at my house. He was afraid of her; she was so different, and if didn't help matters that she was part god. I guess he was afraid he would be struck down or something." 

Anyway, when I was fourteen, my dad made this big announcement to the family that he realized that he and I should be closer, that he wanted to make up for the distance between us. So he told my mom that he wanted to take me on a fishing trip. He thought it would be a chance for us to get away, and make up for lost time. She agreed, and I went with him." 

As Gabrielle told her story, her body language changed. Xena noticed at first Gabrielle she sat on the ground with her legs crossed. Then as the bard continued the story, her knees came closer and closer to her chest. Xena instinctively knew what Gabrielle was trying to tell her. 

"The lake he wanted to get to was one days journey of horseback. After we got to the lake, he found a cave. And then, something inside of him snapped." She wrapped her arms around her knees, drawing them closer. "He grabbed me, and told me that I was evil. He said that I wanted to be evil, that I was stubborn." She slowed down and her eyes glazed, for she was reliving the events as she told them. "He said that he tried to beat the evil out of me, but it did not good. Then he said that I had placed men under my spell, including him." She began to rock. "He pushed me to the ground. And he..." She remembered to breath. "And he raped me." She did not look up at Xena, fearing that she would see disgusted in her eyes. "For two days he kept me in that cave, doing whatever he wanted. I was so afraid. Afraid for myself, afraid that he would do the same to Lila, afraid of what he would do to Lila and mom if I told, so when we returned home, I said nothing to anyone. And he did not come near me again. Of course, I made sure he couldn't because I wouldn't let Sophia leave my side." 

I stayed inside the house for the rest of the summer, refusing to see anyone, but Sophia and family. My mom asked me what was wrong, and I told her I was upset because I did not catch anything. She said that wasn't important, as long as father and I got closer. I guess she decided not to push it, since I became the perfect daughter after that trip." 

After a while, I started to believe that he would never violate me again, that it was that one time. Then the next summer, he announced that he heard that a traveling group of actors was performing in a nearby town, and he wanted to take me to see them, since I liked stories and plays and such. And it happened all over again." 

The following summer, Sophia decided to search for her destiny. She told my parents I needed to be with her, since I was the best friend of Athena and Ares daughter. At first my father said no, that he had other plans. But then, Sophia talked to him in private, and I don't know what was said, but he had changed his mind. Of course, it was all a lie. But it did get me out of town. I was worried about Lila though, and after two weeks, I needed to go home. Sophia understood. She stayed by my side for a week. After that there was no need for her to do so." 

Xena forgot her promise. "Why?" 

Gabrielle refused to lift her head. "Because you came into my life." She did not say anymore. 

Xena did not believe that it was possible to hate someone as much as she did Herodotus. *When I get my hands on him, he is going to wish he was in Tartarus.* Nor did she believe that she could love Gabrielle any more than she already had. But she did and love overpowered hate at this moment. "Can I hold you?" The petite bard nodded and Xena wrapped herself around Gabrielle. "You have to be the strongest person I've ever known." 

Gabrielle finally exhaled the breath that she had been holding, and started to cry. "You still love me?" 

Xena looked into her eyes. "How can I not? Listen, it's not your fault. You are not evil. He is! You are the best thing that ever happened to me. And nothing, nothing can make me not love you. You are everything to me." 

The weight of the world was finally lifted from Gabrielle's shoulder. And the freedom allowed her to finally let go. She cried for a while and Xena continued to embrace her. She finally fell asleep in Xena's arms. Xena continued to hold the woman that she loved. 

***** 

Sophia came back to the camp with a ham and some goose eggs. Xena looked down at her sleeping companion and gently eased her to the pallet. Then she stood up, stretched and headed toward Sophia. 

"Where did you get those?" 

"Poteidaea is only a few candlemarks away. So I went to scout." 

"And what did you find?" 

"Did she tell you?" 

*I hate it when someone answers a question with a question.* "Yes, she told me. Now answer mine." 

"It looks as if the bastard has flown the coup. A couple of friends said that he left town to do some business." 

"He must have left after they received the message I sent. Is Lila with him?" 

"No, she's safe at home." Sophia showed off the grin she inherited from her father. "Trust me, he would never touch her." 

Xena nodded. "Gabrielle told me about the beatings and the rapes. I now understand why she only talks about her mom and Lila and why we did not stay to explain about Hope and the Destroyer." Xena ran her hand through her hair. "Damn it, all the signs were there, and I did not even noticed." 

"Xena, you can't blame yourself. There was no way you could have known." 

"How did you find out? From what I gathered, Gabrielle did not want anyone to know." 

"I found out about the beatings purely by accident. I knew something wasn't right. Every time I saw a bruise, she would claim she got it from falling or playing with the boys. I final figured out that she was lying. Gabrielle may not be the most graceful person alive, she is far from being a klutz. And she never liked playing with the boys. I did not know for sure until one night I went over to her house. Gabrielle's room had a back window, and she would always leave the shutters slightly opened for me to sneak in the house." Sophia saw Xena's eyebrow quirked."We use to sneak into each others homes because we were afraid that our parents would tell the other one to go home. Anyway, one night I was trying to sneak, um, I mean go into her room, I heard voices." 

She paused as she tried to control the rage that was inside of her. "I peeked, and I saw Herodotus grabbing Gabrielle and shaking her, then he slapped her and she fell to the floor. Then he started to pound on her. After he had left, I climbed in and took care of her the best I could. Then I sneaked back out, and was determined to find Herodotus." 

I sneaked into their barn and waited for him. He came out that night to check on the animals and that was when I attacked. I wanted him to die slowly, and painfully. I started to choke him, and I could feel myself slowly crushing his throat, he couldn't talk nor could he breathe. And I thoroughly enjoyed his pain and suffering. All the dark thoughts I had while I was waiting for him where coming to fruition. Then next thing I knew, Athena had pulled me off of him." 

"Why?" 

Sophia sighed. "There are many advantages of being a child of the gods, but there are many disadvantages as well. That night I learned that I had inherited some form of darkness, a darkness I couldn't control. It was about to break through. It would have been one thing if the darkness was aim at Herodotus only. But it wasn't. While I waited in the barn, I thought about ways to torture and kill the whole family and town except Gabrielle. I wanted to punish Hecuba for not protecting Gabrielle from Herodotus, and I wanted to hurt Lila for loving her daddy. I blamed the town because Herodotus seemed beyond reproach because he agreed with their old ways of thinking. I wanted everyone to share in Gabrielle's pain and to pay for it. Athena had sensed my thoughts and stopped me." 

"I know about darkness. For ten years I let it control everything in my life. At times, I still struggle with it." 

"Xena, no offense, but the thoughts I had in that barn that day would had made the old you look like one of Athena's virgin priestess. Athena knew that no one would be safe if she left me there. So she took me to Tartarus to work off my aggressions. It worked. Nothing is better for uncontrollable darkness than fighting with the eternally damned." 

Xena looked at the Guardian. *A mortal who enjoys fighting against the eternally damned. Have to remind myself never to get her mad with me. One word from Gabrielle and I'm toast,* she thought to herself. 

"Anyway, that little attack kept Herodotus at bay. I never saw another mark on Gabrielle after that." She looked at Gabrielle and grew somber. "But, it wasn't enough. I did not found out about the rapes until two summers after he had started. I've would have never found out, if it wasn't for love." 

"Love?" 

"Trust me, it was purely love." 

Xena quirked up her eyebrow. "What do you mean by that?" 

Sophia looked at the sleeping form that was softly snoring. "I mean what I said, it was love. Something told me to cancel my annual stay at Tartarus. So I decided to make plans with Gabrielle. But that same feeling lead me to go through their front door, instead of sneaking in the window. Hecuba was standing in the kitchen. I asked her where Gabrielle was, and she told me that Gabrielle had gone berry-picking. So I went to the woods to find her." Sophia shuddered at the memory. 

"I found her alright. She was crying and I instantly thought that Herodotus had done something. She had gone berry picking, but the only berries in her basket were the poisonous kind. From the red streaks around her mouth, I knew she had eaten some. She confirmed this, and then she told me about the rapes. I did the only thing I could, I hit her in the stomach so hard that she vomited. I carried her back home. Her mom was out back, so it was relatively easy to sneak her in. 

When Hecuba found us in Gabrielle's bedroom, I said that Gabrielle was sick from eating too many berries, and some of them were unripe. I spent the night there." 

Gabrielle's father came in, and asked me to leave. I wanted to attack him right there, the anger was quickly rising, but just as quickly I calmed down. Instead, I told him no, and told him that Gabrielle needed to go to Athens with me. I told him that Gabrielle was needed in a ceremony, because she was my best friend. I also reminded him that it would be best not to get Athena mad. And he, being the coward that he is, eventually said yes." 

"Yeah, Gabrielle told me about that. She thinks you lied to protect her." 

"Well, you know the truth." She looked at the sleeping form of her friend. "If it wasn't for her, I would never had become a Guardian. You know, Aphrodite was not really sure about me as a Guardian because she had some concerns about my dark tendencies, but when I listened to her voice and my heart that day in Poteidaea, she knew. She knew I could hear loves voice and I would follow. So it was love that saved the day, and Gabrielle's life. If it wasn't for Aphrodite, Gabrielle may had died in the woods that day." 

"I guess I owe her a big one." 

"You do. So the next time you want to curse the gods, remember that a few of those cursed gods care for Gabrielle. You and I owe her for Gabrielle's life." 

"So, Sophia the Guardian has come to lend us a hand, huh?" 

Gabrielle gave Xena a smirk. "Just giving you guys a helping hand. Gabrielle wasn't going to tell you, she was going to try to suffer through this alone. She needed to be nudged in the right direction." 

"So I guess you will be leaving?" 

"Well, I have done what I needed to do, and I know you can handle it from here. But I would really like to tag along, if you don't mind." 

"Not at all. I think she is going to need all the support she can get." Xena looked at Gabrielle. It was at that moment, Gabrielle started to twist and stir from another nightmare. Xena quickly sat down next to her and started to whisper words and comfort in her ear. Within fifteen candledrips Gabrielle had calm down. 

Sophia looked at the display of love and comfort. A pang of jealousy stabbed her in the heart. She knew that as a Guardian, her life was dedicated to saving love, and that there was no room in her life for such companionship. She decided to turn her head, to give her favorite couple some privacy. 

After comforting her love, Xena got up and walked back over to Sophia. She crossed her arms in front of her chest. "I don't understand, how can someone hurt a child like that?" 

"I don't know, Xena. You know, when I became a Guardian, I thought that it would be a great thing...you know, helping couples right each other again, love in the air kind of stuff, but it is not all it is cracked up to be. Most of the time I'm busy trying to protect someone's heart and spirit from those who claim to "love" them. Do you how many children are hurt by their parents? Too many. And even with the work of the other guardians, we can't save them all. Then we also have to deal with husbands who hurt their wives, innocents who are tortured. Everyday, many hearts and souls are permanently marred by so called love. There are times when I see someone as innocent and as loving as Gabrielle was, and I have to watch as that innocence is torn away, and that love is beaten and deformed into hate, pain and emptiness. And you know what, there is not a damn thing I can do. There is just too many of them. Too many." 

Sophia took a few steps from Xena, took a deep breath and tried to reel in her emotions, which were starting to get out of control. Then she turned back. "But I made sure that at least one would not be hurt in that way." 

"Lila." 

"Yeah. When we came back from Athens, Gabrielle stayed with my family. Then the slavers attacked and you rescued the girls. I knew who you were thanks to Aphrodite. I knew that Gabrielle should be with you, but she wouldn't stay with you if Lila wasn't protected. She was so afraid that Herodotus would turn his wrath upon Lila if she ever left. So I had to find a way to protect Lila. The day before Gabrielle ran away, I showed Herodotus his future if he ever touched Lila in a harmful way. It was such a toasty scene." 

Sophia saw the confusion in Xena face. "Xena, there are advantages to being a child of the gods. You get so many skills. I was able to show him what awaited him in Tartarus, thanks to Uncle Hades. Then I told him that I would come down to Tartarus once a year, and personally inflict more pain and suffering to his worthless carcass. And just so that he wouldn't forget, I arranged for monthly visits from Uncle Morpheus. Uncle would show him the vision in full color and sound." 

Xena shuddered slightly. She wasn't sure if it was from her memories of walking through Tartarus and seeing the eternal pain and suffering that went on there, or from the cruel dark joy Sophia displayed as she thought about Herodotus' punishment. 

Sophia was still relishing on her previous thought. "You know Xena, there are moments that darkness and love can fit together perfectly." 

"Remind me never to get on your bad side." 

"Keep loving her and treating her well, and you never will." 

"That's a promise I can keep." 

Stay tuned for Part II, Pain of the Present 

* * *

**Back To Main Page**


	2. Pain of the Present

DISCLAIMER: All disclaimers can be found on "Nightmares from the Past", the first part of this series. 

PAIN OF THE PRESENT

By Paully_A

padams1@xmsg.com

***

The last few candlemarks were torturous for Xena, Gabrielle, and Sophia. They had stabled their horses in town, and decided to travel the last candlemark by foot. As the distance between them and the farmhouse decreased, their pace slowed. Xena noticed that Gabrielle skin was turning paler as time passed. Her eyes no longer danced, but stared at the road, clouded with sadness and fear. 

*Maybe the time is not right. She needs to deal with the past, but when she is able. I shouldn't have pushed this trip on her.* "Gabrielle, we can turn back. If you are not ready..." Xena stopped, not knowing how to express in words what she was trying to say. 

"No, Xena. More than anything, I want to make sure that Mom and Lila are all right. I don't know how much longer Sophia's mind games are going to work. Sooner or later, he just won't care, and he is going to hurt them. I know that. They need to know. Just promise me that you will let me tell them, okay?"

"Of course. Now you promise me that you will lean on me. Remember that you are not doing this alone." 

Gabrielle gave her a small smile. "I promise." 

The rest of the walk was done in silence. As the group reached the front door, each one took a deep breath. Gabrielle knocked on the door. The door flew open. An older woman of average height and salt and pepper hair answered. "Gabrielle, its so good to see you!" The woman pulled Gabrielle into a fierce hug.

"Hi Mom." Gabrielle pulled away after a few candledrips. 

"You're looking well." "I see you brought friends. Look at you Sophia." Hecuba hugged and kissed Sophia. Sophia forced a smile to her lips.

"Long time no see." 

Hecuba looked at Xena. "Hello Xena."

"Hello Hecuba."

"Well, come on in. We have been expecting you." Hecuba wrapped her arms around Gabrielle and pulled her in, with Xena and Sophia following close behind. As they enter the kitchen, a woman a couple of seasons younger than Gabrielle jumped up from her seat. "Gabrielle!"

"Lila!" The two sisters embrace one another. Looking at the two, one could never had known that they were sisters. Whereas Gabrielle was short with blonde hair and green eyes, Lila was tall with raven hair and brown eyes. Yet the affection they displayed to each other told the world how close they were. Hecuba looked on as her two children hugged.

"Oh how I wish your father was here to see this! The family back together again." Gabrielle instantly stiffened in Lila's arms. 

Lila noticed her sister's reaction. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah fine. Just a bit tired, it was a long journey." 

Xena walked over to Gabrielle and placed her hand on Gabrielle's shoulder, giving it a squeeze. Gabrielle smiled her thanks.

"Well, I know you guys must be tired, but you are probably hungry too. Let's sit down and eat." 

The family and friends enjoyed a large meal, which included Xena's favorite, white dumplings with the red stuff inside. When Hecuba heard that they were Xena's favorite, she proclaimed, "Oh really? I didn't know that they were your favorite." *If I had known that I've would have never fixed them.* "I hoped you enjoyed them." An insincere smile appeared on her face.

*Yeah, right.* Xena returned the smile. "Oh, they were wonderful. I enjoyed them very much." 

"Well, it looks like its time to clean up. Lila will you get the dishes? I want to spend some time with Gabrielle."

"Sure, Mom."

"I'll help Lila."

"Thanks Sophia." 

As she got up, Hecuba grabbed Gabrielle's hand. "Let's go outside on the porch. It's such a lovely night."

"I'll be right there Mother."

As soon as Hecuba was out of earshot, Xena wrapped her arms around Gabrielle. "Are you okay? Do you want me to go with you?"

Gabrielle took a deep breath. "No, I'll be fine. I really need to do this alone. But I will tell you all about it later tonight, okay?"

"Okay. Remember, I love you." Xena placed a gentle kiss on top of her lover's head.

"I love you too." 

Even though she could not hear, Hecuba could see everything, and her mouth formed into a frown. She could tell that Gabrielle was stressed about something, and that Xena was trying to comfort her. *I wonder if those rumors are true. No, it couldn't be, after all Gabrielle did marry Perdicus.* "Coming Gabrielle?"

"Yes, Mother." She reluctantly pulled away from Xena's embrace and headed out the door. 

A tall man with black hair and gray temples entered into the tavern and walked up to the innkeeper. The innkeeper looked up and a smile spread across his face as he recognized the regular customer and his friend.

"Hello Herodotus. I thought you were out of town on business. Want your usual?" 

Herodotus nodded. "Hey, Evander. Plans changed. I'm leaving tomorrow. Do you have room in your barn for my horse?"

"Sure do. But if you want your horse to be more comfortable, I know that Tyndas has room in his stable. By the way, I saw your daughter today. She's looking mighty fine there Herodotus."

"Lila was always pretty. She'll make a good wife someday."

"I'm not talking about Lila. I saw Gabrielle today. She and her friends stored their horses at Tyndas' stable."

"Her friends?"

"Yeah, Sophia and that warlord Xena. It must be some family reunion at the house, huh? A warlord, a half-god half-breed, and Queen of the Amazons. I guess birds of a feather flock together. At least Lila is normal." 

Herodotus just nodded. *So she's here. And Xena and Sophia are with her.* Herodotus knew that this could only meant trouble. His blood began to boil as he remembered his last encounter with Sophia all those years ago. His mood did not improve as he remembered the last time he saw Xena either. *And they are both in my life because of that whore. I knew she was evil when she was born. Her life just proves it. She is so unnatural. Bard, Amazon, and warrior; what normal girl would be such things. On top of that she gives birth to a demon child. She doesn't deserve to live.* "Hey, I'm going to stay in the barn with my horse. I don't want to be in a house full of talkative women."

"Hey, I understand. Just help yourself."

Herodotus nodded his thanks and left. As he prepared to lay down, he thought about how he could get rid of his problem. 

They sat on the front porch bench. Hecuba talked about the harvest and the local town gossip. Gabrielle barely listened as she thought about what she had to tell her mother. Hecuba noticed how distracted her daughter was. "Gabrielle are you okay? You seem distracted."

Gabrielle sighed. "Yes, Mom. I'm okay. Tell me more about the harvest." 

"Well like I was saying, most of the town did well, especially your father's crop. Good thing too, with all the extra work he did. It nearly broke his body, all that work. You know, it would do your father a world of good if you could stay and visit with us longer."

"No Mother. I already told you, we plan to stay for only a couple of days. That's it." 

"Don't tell me you are too busy saving the world or being queen to those Amazons. Really, Gabrielle; your father and I raised you to be healthy and normal. Being an Amazon, especially queen is not normal. Neither is traveling the world with a warlord, fighting other warlords and telling stories. Have you heard the rumors about you two? I just wish..." 

Gabrielle balled her hands into fists and jumped up from the bench as she exploded. "Will you just stop it!!! I'm sick of hearing about being normal! You think we're a normal family?!? Do you?!? We are not normal, and if we are, I rather be abnormal!" She pointed at her mother. "And let me tell you something else. Xena is my family! She means more to me than anyone! She is there when I need her, in good times and bad, and she has never hurt me the way my 'family' has! So please, just stop it!" She turned away from her mother and started sobbing. Everyone inside ran to the front porch to see what the commotion was. 

Xena saw Gabrielle's body rack with grief and she quickly ran to her partner's side and wrapped her arms around her. "It's okay. It's okay." 

Hecuba tried to compose herself. It was true, Gabrielle's childhood was not easy. But must of her trouble she brought on herself. 'Telling her stories, daydreaming all the time, hanging out with Sophia; it's no wonder Herodotus had beaten her. She knew better, and still did what she wanted.' There were times that she thought Herodotus went too far, but what could she do? There was no place for her to go, especially with two children. She walked up to Gabrielle and Xena. 

"Gabrielle, I know that you are mad. I know that there were times that Herodotus went too far, but he only hit you to make you a better person. I won't stand here and let you insult him and the rest of us. We are your family and no matter how much you love Xe..." 

"Beat me? You think this is about the beatings? Yes, Mother he did go too far. And you just stood there and did nothing. But there is more. You want to know what I think about my precious father! What can I think about the man that raped me when I was a child?!?" 

Hecuba jaw dropped to the floor. Emotions flooded her mind as she tried to comprehend what Gabrielle said. "Raped you? What are you saying? Herodotus would never do such a thing!"

Gabrielle looked as if the whole world came crashing down around her. "You don't believe me?" she whispered as she took step backwards off the porch. "You don't believe me." She turned and ran down the road leading to town. 

"Why would she say something like that?" Hecuba wondered out loud.

"Sophia get our things!" Sophia knew Xena was losing it, so she quickly ran into the house and gathered their bags. Xena turned to Hecuba. Her eyes flashed and her irises glowed as blue flames. "What kind of mother doesn't believe her child? Yes, Hecuba, why would a child say something like that...unless it was true." Xena ran off the porch and headed towards Gabrielle. 

Sophia exited the house with the saddlebags. She heard what Xena had said. She stared at Hecuba, dropped the saddlebags and walked towards her. "Hecuba, next time you see that husband of yours, tell him that Sophia asked about those nightmares he has about once a month." 

Hecuba looked at Sophia. "How do you know about those?" 

"If you really want to know the truth, I gave them to him. I couldn't protect Gabrielle from Herodotus, but I made sure he wouldn't hurt Lila." Sophia glanced over to Lila and Lila looked on in shock, her eyes wide open. Sophia looked back at Hecuba. 

"Those nightmares show him his place in Tartarus that Hades had set up for him if he ever touched Lila. You see, there's a special place there for people like him. The essence of pain is waiting for him. You know, he did things that not even the gods themselves dare to do. Yes, Hecuba, your lovely husband raped his own daughter." Hecuba lowered her head in shame. 

"No, no!" Sophia grabbed Hecuba's chin and forced her head up. "You are NOT going to look away, not this time! You turned your head when he hit and had beaten Gabrielle into a bloody mess. You looked away when she came home from those outings with Herodotus and was not herself. You even turned away when she came home sick, so sick that I had to carry her in! Tell me, Hecuba, how do you manage not to see what is in front of your eyes?" 

"I...I didn't know. I swear." 

"The only reason you didn't know is because you did not want to see. You are telling me that when Gabrielle came home and did not want to be touched, and was quiet, and became the perfect and obedient daughter that you and Herodotus wanted so badly, you did not notice that something was wrong? The way she would stay at my house for weeks, and when she did come home, I was by her side, that didn't tip you off? And you actually believed that Gabrielle was that sick from eating too many unripe berries? My gods woman, she tried to kill herself! She finally started to believe that junk that she was evil and deserved everything that happened to her. She was so afraid that she wanted to end it." 

"I've never told her she was evil and I never laid a hand on her," Hecuba whispered. 

"No, you just let Herodotus do it while you stood there and watched. He called her evil, and you just stood there. He hit her, you just stood there. He took her away, and you just stood there. And your silence encouraged him, and told Gabrielle that he was right. He may have broken her body, but you did your damnedest to break her spirit." She let go of Hecuba's chin. "You are right about one thing Hecuba. Your daughter isn't normal. She is the most extraordinary person I've had the good fortune of knowing. I've seen spirits broken beyond repair because of the abuse. And yet, Gabrielle still has enough love in her heart to light up the whole world. I wondered what she would have been like if she had a loving and caring family." 

She looked at Lila. "You were the only one who really cared about her. She came back for you. She wanted you to know the truth, so that you would be able to protect yourself." She picked up the bags and walked closer to Lila. "Now you know the truth. If I were you, I would run. Run far away from this farm and from this town as fast as you can. Because if you don't, they will poison you. And either you will become like them or you will die." Sophia turned and headed into the darkness. 

"She didn't believe me. I should of known better." Xena embraced Gabrielle as she looked out of the window of their room.

"There was no way you could have known. You did what you had to do; now it is up to them. There is nothing more you can do." Xena continued to hold Gabrielle. "Come on. You need your rest. Let's get to bed."

"No. Please, let's just stay up for a little while longer."

"Whatever you want. I'm here."

"Just hold me tighter."

Xena made her embrace stronger as Gabrielle leaned back against her chest. They stood like that for two candlemarks until Morpheus extended his mercy and placed Gabrielle into a gentle but sound sleep.

"Mom, we need to talk about it."

"There is nothing to talk about Lila. She's wrong. Your father..."

"My father would do something like that. And it is about time we face that bit of truth." 

"Lila, how can you say that? Your father has shown nothing but love towards you." 

"Yeah, thanks to Gabrielle and Sophia. Mom, I remember those beatings. Gabrielle couldn't leave the house for days, sometime weeks. And I remember what Gabrielle was like when she came back; first from that fishing trip and then from that trip to the show." Lila stood up from her seat. "You can turn your head and look in the other direction, but I can't. Tomorrow, I'm going to town, and tell Gabrielle that I know she told the truth. I hope you will be by my side."

"I can't."

"Then Mom, you will lose two daughters." Hecuba eyes questioned Lila. "Yes, Mother. I said two. I know the truth, and I can't pretend like everything is all right. I can't live here and act like we are a happy and normal family." She paused and took a deep breath, gathering all her courage. "I'm going to Amazonia. With or without you."

"You can't leave me here by myself."

"Why not? Are you willing to stay here after what you have heard? Is the opinion of your neighbors more important than your daughters? You want to stay, fine. But I'm leaving. Goodnight, Mother." Lila left her mother and went to her room.

Hecuba tried to hold back the tears that were welling up in her eyes. She stood and walked to the window. She looked out and sighed before she closed the shutters, trying to keep out the night air. She did not notice the figure that hunched below the window, listening to every word that had been said between Lila and herself.

It was still dark outside when Gabrielle woke up, her body tense from stress. She could not fall back asleep, nor did she want to just lie there. She quietly got up and threw on her leathers, boots and sais. She scratched out a note and placed it on the table, and head out to the stables. 

Horse knew that his master had come in the stables. He neighed softly. Gabrielle patted him on his neck. "I missed you too. Ready to ride? I hope so, cause we are going to race like the wind. I need to work out some of my frustrations." Horse neighed loudly and raised his front paws.

"Hey, what's wrong? What's got you so spooked?" She looked over the rail and into his stall. Suddenly she felt a sharp pain in the back of her head, and her world turned dark. She rolled over on her back as her vision became less dark. Even though her sight was blurry, she could make out that a male figure stood above her. 

"Frustrated, huh?" Gabrielle squinted as the voice broke through the quietness of the pre-dawn morning. He father stood above her. She threw up a hand, trying to connect with him, but he easily caught it. Then another sharp pain, this time to the side of her temple, took all the fight out of her. She laid flat on the ground as darkness overcame her. 

Rays from Apollo's chariot beamed down on Xena's face. She reached her arm to where her lover should have been; instead her hands caressed the cold sheet. 

Xena sprang up. From the sheets, she could tell that Gabrielle had been gone for at least a couple of candlemarks. She looked around the room, and noticed a note on the table. 

_Xe, _

_Left to work out Horse and some of my frustrations.__ See you in a few. _

_Love, Gabrielle_

Xena walked over to the water basin and gave herself a quick wash. She then donned on her leathers, armor and weapons and headed down into the tavern for breakfast. She gave Tyndas a note to give to Gabrielle when she got back. Sophia was sitting at a table in the back left corner of the tavern. Sophia spotted her and waved her over.

"How is Gabby?"

"She's fine, I guess. She woke up early and took Horse for a ride. She should be back in a candlemark or so."

Sophia nodded. "And how are you doing most stoic one?"

Xena smiled at Sophia's reference. "I'm fine. I'm worried about Gabrielle. I know that Hecuba and Lila were shocked to hear about Herodotus. But I hope that they have come to their senses, and will be there for Gabrielle; because the last thing she needs is to lose her mother and her sister." 

"Well, that's up to them. If they love her, they will believe her. Until they come around, there is nothing none of us can do except wait. And hope."

"As you know, I'm not much for waiting around."

Sophia narrowed her eyebrows together. "Got a plan?"

"Sure do, but I'm going to need help to pull off this."

"Count me in. What is it?"

"I want to take Gabrielle on a picnic. A little surprise for lunch. I'm hoping it would lift her spirits some. And I need some help to acquire the food and wine at a reasonable price. Usually Gabrielle handles that stuff..." 

"Say no more. I'll help you. But I doubt if I'm as good of a haggler as Gabby. But I do have my ways." She looked over at Tyndas. "Watch and learn." 

Sophia slowly rose from her seat and casually walked over to the innkeeper. "Hello Tyndas. How much for a bottle of your best wine?" 

Tyndas held back a sneer. He never liked Sophia. She was too different, not only was she a half-breed (which he really didn't mind too much), but she was a half-god. Too different to really fit in with the good people of Potiedaea. "For you, Sophia, it will be ten dinars."

She smiled at him, and then quickly reached for his shirt and pulled him over the bar. "Listen Tyndas, let's stop playing games. I still remember how you banned your children from playing with me because I was different. You don't like me and I don't like you. So I'm going to make this very simple."

She tightened her grip until his face turned read from lack of oxygen. "You see my friend over there." She nodded her head in Xena's general direction. "Well, she wants to plan a surprise for someone she and I really care about. And I promised to help her. So this is what we are going to do. You are going to get me that wine and sell it to me for three dinars, and I won't rip your head off your shoulders, okay? And don't try again Tyndas," she made sure his eyes were on her. As he looked in her eyes, pools of what appeared to be black smoke invaded her eyes, changing them from brown to black. "Because if you do, I will be very, very angry. And you don't want that do you?" 

He shook his head no.

"Good, so you are going to do what I said, right?" He nodded."Good." She threw him away from her. "Now go." He quickly ran to get the wine. Sophia took a deep breath. She was trying to gain control again when Xena came up to her. 

"Nice moves there Sophia. Are you planning on doing that to all the merchants?"

Sophia turned to her. "No, just my friends."

Xena noticed Sophia's eyes. "Nice parlor trick. Where you learn that from?" 

"From Ares."

By this time Tyndas returned with the bottle of wine. With shaky hands, he placed the bottle on the bar. Sophia tossed him the dinars. "Now scat." He quickly disappeared, leaving behind both the wine and dinars. 

"He showed me how to use my powers, and I didn't cut him completely out of my life. How about you, have you heard from 'dear old dad' lately?"

"Not recently. I think he finally got the message that I'm not coming back."

"Are you kidding me? He never gives up an obsession."

"I know that. He just trades one obsession for another."

"So, do you have any clue who he is obsessing with now?"

"Yeah, he's obsessed with the one who he believes is my successor." 

"And who is that?"

"Gabrielle." Sophia eyes budged out of her head as her jaw dropped to the floor. 

Xena laughed at the sight. "Long story, tell you about it later," she placed a hand on Sophia's shoulder and guided her out of the door, "but first time to plan a picnic."

They came back to the inn with everything Xena needed for the picnic. Xena headed towards Tyndas. "Did you give Gabrielle my message?"

"She hasn't come back yet."

Xena walked back to Sophia, a worried look across her face. "Tyndas said that Gabrielle wasn't back yet. I'm going to check upstairs, just in case he missed her." As she turned and headed for the stairs, Lila came down. "Lila, what are you doing here?"

"Hi, Xena. I wanted to talk with Gabrielle. Listen, I know she was telling the truth. Even though Mom doesn't want to accept it." While she spoke to Xena, Sophia came up. "And I decided to take your advice Sophia. I'm getting the Tartarus out of this place. Do you think that the Amazons have room for one more?" 

Xena placed her hand on Lila's shoulder. "I believe the Amazons can make room for the sister of their Queen. By the way, have you seen your sister?" 

"No, I've been waiting around here for the a quarter of a candlemark. Maybe Tyndas knows." She ran down the final three steps to Tyndas. "Tyndas, have you seen my sister?"

"Like I told the warlord, I've haven't seen her since this morning. Why?"

Xena looked at Lila. "It's not like Gabrielle to be gone for this long."

Tyndas continued to wipe the glass in his hand. "Well, maybe she wanted to spend some time with her father."

Xena pounced on Tyndas and pulled him up to meet her eyes. "Her father?!?"

"Yes. He...he...was here...last night..."

"Where did he go?"

"He stayed in my barn."

"Lila and Sophia check the barn. I'm going to check out the stable."

She lowered Tyndas to the ground and all three ran to their destinations.

"I don't see a sign of Father anywhere." Lila scanned the small barn. All she saw was some hay, a couple of stalls and a dirt floor. Of course Lila had no idea what to look for. 

Luckily Sophia did. "Hey Lila, come over here." Lila ran to the first of the stalls. Her eyes looked to the rock that Sophia was pointing.

"Is that..."

"Yes, it's blood. And look footprints. See the first set, leading away from this stall. The second set, same footprints, leading towards the stall, but deeper, as if the person was carrying something."

"Or someone."

"Yeah, and these are the tracks. From the looks of this," Sophia picked up some horses pellets, "they left here four maybe five candlemarks ago."

"We better find Xena." 

Xena Gabrielle's footprints outside of the stall, but there were no signs that Gabrielle actually made it into the stall. Xena bent down to have a closer look at the footprints. She found drops of blood on the ground. Horse and Argo both neighed and jumped back on their hind legs. 

"She's in trouble, you know that right? Okay, we are going to ride." She was taking Argo out of her stall when Lila and Sophia ran in.

"Xena, we found blood in the barn. It looks like he was carrying someone with him. He's on a horse, and he has a four or five candlemark lead on us."

"Damn. Lila, I need for you to go back to the farm, get your mother and a few things, and leave for Amazonia. Take Horse with you." Xena turned to Sophia. "We are going to track him down." 

Sophia hopped onto her horse. "Let's go. Safe journey, Lila."

"You too. Please bring her back." Xena nodded, as she and Sophia took off. Lila hopped on Horse and offered a prayer to the gods for the safe return of her sister and friends.

Her head screamed with pain. She tried to lift her head, but the dizziness forced her to keep her head still. She felt the breeze on her face, and she knew she was outdoors. Her hands were tied behind her and from the feeling of roughness on her arms, she knew she was tied to a tree. She moved her hands slightly, trying to test the tightness of her bonds. 

Herodotus watched as his daughter struggled against her bonds. 

"So, you are awake?"

Gabrielle stopped moving. He walked over to her, and jerked up her head by her hair. She winced in pain.

"Looks like you took a nasty bump on the head. It seems you lost a good amount of blood too."

She managed to open her eyes. There was nothing but pure hate and contempt in Herodotus' eyes. "Why are you doing this?"

"Why?" His cackle shook her to the core. "As you said before, frustration. You see, I understand about frustrations. Imagine my frustration when I heard that my daughter Lila wanted to run off and join the Amazons. I wonder who put that idea into her head? Imagine my frustration when I heard that someone told my family about what I did to you. You know, you should have never came back here. Everything was going smoothly. You couldn't be satisfied with the nightmares, could you? No, you had to come back and ruin my life." 

"I did not come back to ruin your life, you did that on your own. I just wanted to make sure Mom and Lila was safe…" 

He slapped her hard. "I WOULD HAVE NEVER HURT LILA AND HECUBA!!!" He took a couple of breaths. "You see, Lila was all I ever wanted. And Hecuba learned to be a good wife. But you, you never stood a chance. You were born evil, and you will always be that way." 

He stepped back a couple of steps. "You and your voice, you and your words, your daydreaming, your prophecies, all of it evil. And then, you had a daughter, who looked like your twin. When she first came to us, I thought that you had finally changed your ways. But no, it turns out that she was really your daughter, and your grandson, that beast, was to destroy the world. And you killed them. Tell me, Gabrielle, did you kill her because she wasn't evil enough?" 

As he talked, she managed to untie one of the knots. She knew she had to keep him talking.

"Do you really hate me that much? If I'm so evil, why didn't you kill me when I was born?"

"Because Hecuba loved you. Of course, she didn't have a choice, she is your mother after all."

"And you are my father." Herodotus gave another cackle. He stepped toward Gabrielle.

"So you want your father to love you? Is that it?" He stood nose to nose with her. Gabrielle tried to push herself into the tree. Lust and hatred met fear and sadness as he savagely took her lips. She tried to scream and he forced himself on her more. She lifted her knee with all the force she could mustered, and connected with his groin. As he doubled over in pain, she managed to get herself free. She started to run, but he made a swipe with his arm and tripped her. Her head connected solidly with the ground as she fell. She slowly rose up, but the dizziness and her lost of blood only allowed her to rise to her knees. 

Herodotus recovered, and knocked her fully to the ground. He backhanded her twice. The cut above her temple began to bleed again. She could feel as he pinned her arms above her head. She lifted her legs and threw him off of her, but the force was not strong enough for him to let go of her arms. He quickly straddled her and punched her in the face. As the darkness overcame her, she could feel him on top of her, forcing himself into her.

"It looks like he went off the road right here. He sure didn't try to cover his tracks, did he?"

Xena looked at the trail. "No he didn't, which means he is dumber than what we thought, or he just doesn't care. Which makes him more dangerous." Xena and Sophia hopped back on their horses. "Let's go." 

Sophia watched as Xena pushed Argo harder and harder. She had hoped that she wouldn't need to do what she was about to do. But as they were getting closer to Herodotus and Gabrielle, Xena started to show more of her darkness. After another candlemark of hard riding, Sophia pulled her horse along side Xena. "Xena, we need to talk."

"Now? Can't it wait."

"No. If you want to do what's best for Gabrielle, stop Argo now!" 

Xena reigned in Argo. "What is it?" 

"Gabrielle might be seriously hurt when we find her..."

"Tell me something I don't know."

"And she is going to need you to totally focus on getting her to help and safety."

Xena grew impatient. "Do you have a point?!?"

"Xena she needs you to get her out, not me. You do not need to be distracted by Herodotus." Sophia paused for her words to sink in.

"Do you know where you are going to take her?"

"No."

"Do you have a plan to get her out of there?" Xena did not answer.

"So what have you been thinking about for the past few candlemarks?!"

"I've been thinking about her, how she doesn't deserve this, and how I should have protected her, and what I will do to him when I find him."

"No! You do not need to be the one that goes after Herodotus. You need to focus solely on Gabrielle. How far away is Amazonia from here?"

"About one and a half days journey, maybe two."

"Okay, so you will take her to Amazonia. I presume they have healers, and more importantly, she will feel safe there."

"And what will you be doing?"

Sophia looked down at her hand. She knew she was taking a big risk, but she did not see any other way. "I won't lie to you Xena. I have certain powers, and one of those powers is to temporary take away someone's darkness and claim it as my own. Ares taught me how to use it. Unfortunately, I've never tried it with someone whose darkness equals my own. But it is the only guarantee that we have to make sure that your darkness doesn't overcome you." She raised her hand to stop Xena from interrupting her. "And don't tell me it wouldn't. For the past few candlemarks I've seen your muscles clench up, as if you were preparing for a battle. I've seen you push Argo to her limits. Besides, our darknesses are similar. And I too have been thinking about charging in there, cutting Herodotus into tiny pieces and scattering him to the four corners of the earth. 

But Gabrielle doesn't need for the both of us to go in like raving lunatics. And since I'm the one with the needed "skill," she placed her hand on Xena's shoulder, "I guess I get to be the raving lunatic." 

Xena felt no pain as the darkness left her body, but Sophia felt as if someone hit her mind with a wagon and then rolled over it again for good measure. As her and Xena's darkness came together, her mind filled with images of revenge and torture. Her body collapsed, and Xena caught her before she fell off her white steed. 

"Sophia are you okay?" Sophia lifted her head and opened her eyes. Xena inhaled sharply. Sophia's irises were enlarged, almost taking up the entire surface area of the eyes. And they were black, black as Greek fire and just as dangerous.

"I'm fine Xena. Let's go."

Her body racked with pain. She tried to move, but couldn't. Even without opening her eyes, she could tell that her hand and feet were bound and something was covering her. She laid there, silently praying to the gods, *Artemis, please protect the Amazons. Athena and Aphrodite please watch over my love. And Hades, please take me.*

Xena and Sophia crept up upon the camp. They stood downwind from the camp, and they could smell blood in the breeze. Xena slowly stood up and saw feet poking out from underneath a blanket. Sophia pulled her down.

"Any sign of Herodotus?" 

"No, looks like he's gone."

"Good. That means I don't have to enter the camp. Get her out of here as fast as you can. I don't need to see her." Sophia shut her eyes and lowered her head. 

Xena walked into the camp and to the blanket. She held her breath as she gently lifted the blanket. Tears ran down her face as she saw the condition of her lover. Her face was shades of red, blue, and purple and her eyes were swollen shut. There was a large gash on her left temple that was still oozing out blood. Purple and blue bruises had from on her arms and thighs. And from the tautness of the rope, Xena knew Gabrielle would have rope burns around her wrists and ankles. She grabbed her breast dagger and gently cut the ropes. Gabrielle did not move. She tried to prepare herself for what she was about to see. She gently eased Gabrielle's legs apart. The tears that silently ran down her face became a raging river. There was no doubt about what had happened. 

Gabrielle moaned as she felt the large hands on her. "Gabrielle, it's me Xena. We're going to get you out of here." She gently lifted Gabrielle up into her arms. Gabrielle moaned again. "It's me, baby. I promise you are safe now. Come on, I've got to take you to the horses."

As she past by, Sophia kept her eyes closed. Unfortunately, her ears worked fine. She heard Gabrielle's moans, and her raged began to grow. She could hear Xena walking by. And the next thing she heard would send shockwaves through her. 

Gabrielle realized that Xena was carrying her. Her voice was hoarse and barely above a whispered. "Xena, please. Let me die. Please." The darkness mercifully took over once more. 

Xena stopped. She looked down at her love. "No, no don't give up Gabrielle. Don't give up, we're too close." She moved toward the horses. "Down Argo." Argo lowered himself to the ground. Xena straddled Argo, while she placed Gabrielle sidesaddle across her lap. She looked at Sophia. "Aren't you coming?" 

Sophia did not look up at her friend. "I'll catch up with you. Go now. See you in Amazonia." Xena took off carrying her precious cargo. Sophia lowered herself back to the ground and burst into tears of anguish.

Herodotus staggered back into the makeshift camp with a bottle in his hand. He looked over to the figure laying on the ground. "Oh daughter, are you up yet?" No sound came. He took another swig from the bottle and walked over to the blanket-laden figure. "Don't tell me your dead already?" He lifted the blanket. A hand quickly grabbed his throat.

"No, Herodotus, I'm not dead. But you are going to wish that I was." Sophia stood up, keeping her vise-like grip on him. "Tell Herodotus, did you really enjoy hurting her like that? I didn't see her, but you really must of done a number of her, because she was begging Xena to let her die." She tightened her grip and in return she could hear him struggling for air. She looked down and noticed the bottle in his hand. She snatched it away from him and brought it to her nose. 

"So, getting drunk Herodotus? Why? You know I really hate this. I wanted you to be sober when I killed you. I wanted you to feel every bit of pain. Well, I guess I'm going to have to sober you up myself." She dropped the bottle to the ground and placed her free hand on his forehead. "I won't lie to you Herodotus, this will hurt you far more than it hurts me." 

The images flashed in his mind. It was unbearably hot, and the air was full of the smell of sulfur and burning flesh. His naked body was painfully stretched out over a pit of Greek fire, his arms and legs chained to boulders. Little specks of Greek fire popped up burned his skin. He could hear a whip cracking in the distance. It grew closer and closer until finally he felt the whip as it pierced his stomach. The whip cracked again and pierced his chest. He couldn't see the whip or the person doing the damage, but the damage was real and very painful. The whip did not stop until his whole upper half was covered with lashings. 

He could feel the gentle vibrations as they shook his chains. Some sort of mass was moving over the boulder near his feet. He tilted his head up and saw the same mass approaching over the boulder near his hands. But it was not a mass, but an army, an army of tiny red fire ants. They crawled across his legs and arms, each insect biting his body. Soon the swarm had covered his whole body, eating its way through. And he could feel every one of the bites as it burned into his body and soul. Herodotus piercing scream filled the air as he fell to the ground. 

"Sober yet Herodotus?" She leaned down towards him. "That is what awaits you. Now it is up to you how you get there." She stepped back, raised up one of her daggers and threw it into the ground near Herodotus.

"Option one: You could do the honorable thing and kill yourself. Option Two: You could attack me with that dagger and run. Of course you won't get very far, and that will just make me mad. Option three: You could kill me with the dagger, but then you will have to deal with the Amazons and Xena. There will be no safe place for you to hide. And trust me, those Amazons would love to get their hands on you and torture you in such a way that you will be looking forward to Tartarus." She stepped back three paces. 

"But before you decide, I really need to know why. Why did you hurt her so? What did she ever do that was so bad? She's your daughter. Why?"

Herodotus picked up the dagger and rose to his feet. "She was born, that is what she did. Have you ever noticed something different about her Sophia? Look at me. Now think about Hecuba and Lila. Now think about her." 

Sophia eyes grew when she realized what he was talking about. "She's not yours, is she?"

"No."

"So, you think that because she's not yours that gave you the right to do what you did? She loved you. You were the only father she ever knew. My gods, you had a gift from the gods, and you abused and tried to destroy it." Sophia swiped her hands through her hair, trying to control the rage the brewed inside. "Do you know who her father really is?"

Herodotus smiled. Then before Sophia could re-acted he plunged the knife into himself. She ran to him.

"No! No, tell me Herodotus." His eyes turned glassy and rolled into the back of his head. Sophia shook her head. She reached down into her small bag and pulled out a coin and placed it in his mouth, "Got to make sure that you make it to 

Tartarus." 

She lowered him to the ground. She walked over to her horse, as pain throbbed through her head. Herodotus' death was supposed to be the release for her pinned up rage, but his actions denied her. *Who knew he still had some honor* She knew that honor had nothing to do with it. *He manage to spill a piece of information that he knew would hurt her, and took his life before I could make him tell me the truth. You were a piece of work, Herodotus.* 

She knew she couldn't go to Amazonia, in the state that she was in. She needed release. She got on her steed and turned him towards Poteidaea. *Maybe I can get some answers from Hecuba,* she justified in her mind.

A bright light flickered three times and a puff of smoke appeared before her.

"Not now! Go away, Father."

"No." Ares crossed his arms in front of his chest. "I'm not going to let you do this."

Sophia jumped down from her horse. "This is not your concern."

"Like Tartarus its not. You can barely control your darkness. What makes you think you could control yours and Xena's? Both of us know what is going to happen when you reach Poteidaea. You are going to wipe out that town."

"Why do you care?" 

"Well, seeing that this concerns my daughter, my former chosen one, and the one who I want to be my new chosen one, I think thhat I have a right to step in before you do something stupid. Even if Herodotus had died by your hands, it wouldn't be enough; you know it and I know it. Killing Hecuba wouldn't stop the thirst inside of you, neither would wiping out Poteidaea. Now yes, I would love 

to see you loot and rampage the entire earth. But in my name, not in Gabrielle's name." Ares smiled. *Just a little more gloating should do. Come on Sophia, let it go.* 

Sophia stepped up to him. "Move out of my way."

"Make me." Ares braced himself for the blow he knew was coming. 

The battle was on. Sophia slugged Ares in the chest; the blow sent him 5 paces backwards. Ares retaliated with an energy bolt that reeled his daughter. She got up and ran full steam at him, tackling him to the ground. She swung her fist at him, But Ares managed to catch it. She swung her free hand and he managed to catch it also. 

He slowly bent her hands up, applying painful pressure to her wrists. He rose to his feet, and she had to follow him to keep her wrists from breaking. "Now, if you are ready to calm down a bit, we can talk about this."

"I don't want to talk, I want to fight!" Sophia jumped up and kicked Ares with both feet; forcing him to let go of her hands. Sophia started to charge him again. Ares sent a more powerful energy bolt towards her. The bolt found its target and sent her crashing to the ground. 

Ares realized that he would have enjoyed this if the circumstances were different. His child had grown into a tremendous fighter and her natural darkness inside of her had increased her power and strength. But her darkness combined with Xena's had started a chain reaction that would eventually led to insanity and her death. Sophia could not handle that much darkness inside of her, and that darkness would drive Sophia to try to satisfy its lusts for blood and revenge; first by destroying everyone and everything around her and second; by destroying herself. *I've managed to worm my way into her life finally, I'm not going to lose her now.* "So you want to fight? Fine! But know why you're fighting and whom you want to fight. Your reasons for fighting are fine. But look in your heart and soul. Do you really want to fight Hecuba? Do you really want to kill everyone in Poteidaea? Tell me, who is it you want to fight? Who are you so angry with?" 

Sophia stood to her feet, her body ached with each movement and breath she took. She balled up her fists and her body shook. The guilt and anger; both hers and Xena's took control. "Me! I should have protected her." Sophia walked to a tree and began to punch it. "I couldn't protect her when we were young, and I couldn't protect her now. I should of killed him when I first had the chance. I should of went after her when I first read the note. It's my fault. My fault! MY FAULT!" With a blood-curdling scream she drove both fists into the truck, and embedded them two inches. Both hands were a bloody and broken mess by the time she stopped. 

Ares came over and helped his daughter extract her hands from the tree. "Had enough?"

"Yeah, thanks." For the moment, her mind was clear; thoughts of rage and death receded from her mind. She looked down at her hands as the pain started to make itself known. "Guess I won't be using my daggers anytime soon."

"It doesn't look like it. But from the way you fight, you don't need those daggers. You are really good. Of course I wouldn't expect anything else."

"Thanks. I learned from one of the best." Sophia looked at the god who was partially responsible for bringing her into the world. She knew he had help her, but she didn't know why and she knew that this was not the time to ask for a reason. She was just grateful he decided to help. 

Ares looked at his daughter as he read her mind. It was true, he never helped no one unless he got something for it. Ever since he found out he had a daughter, his eyes never strayed to far from her, for she had potential to be a great warlord. His darkness was in her, and her anger about the way that she was conceived and her hatred towards him made her that much stronger. He always took what he wanted and did not care about who it hurt until now. 

He felt Gabrielle's pain and torment, and realized what he put Sophia' mother through. He felt the pain and guilt in Xena and Sophia's souls. If he was capable of caring for anyone, it would be these three. And experiencing their suffering at the hands of one who was just as selfish and brutal as him racked Ares with guilt. Of course, he would never admit to that. 

"Come on slugger. We need to make a pit stop before I drop you off at Amazonia." 

Sophia narrowed her eyes at Ares. Despite his recent actions, she did not trust him. "Where?"

Ares smirked. "Your body may be tired and broken. You may feel calm now, but the darkness still rages underneath. We're going to Tartarus to work out some of that energy."

"Um...," she looked down at her hands, "what about these? Can't fight in this condition." 

He placed an arm around her as the his light and smoke transportation mode kicked in. "Think of this as a learning experience." He laughed as they disappeared. 

To be Continued in  "Healing for the Future."

Written and (c)Copyrighted by: Paully Adams 

July 29, 2001 


	3. Healing for the Future

DISCLAIMER: Xena, Gabrielle and any other characters featured in the actual TV series are copyrighted to MCA/Universal and Renaissance Pictures; just borrowing for this story. The rest of the story and other characters are mine. Please contact me before using any of my stuff. Thanks. 

SERIES DISCLAIMR: You will need to read Nightmares from the Past and Pain of the Present Story I & 2 of Sins of the Father to understand what is going on. You may also want to read Sophia's Family and Sophia's Choice. 

SPOILERS: None that I can think of. 

SUBTEXT: Xena and Gabrielle are in love, but nothing too graphic happens in this part of the story. 

VIOLENCE WARNING/DISCLAIMER: This story depicts scenes of physical and sexual violence and their aftermath. Readers who are disturbed by or sensitive to this type of depiction may wish to read something other than this story.

HURT/COMFORT WARNING/DICLAIMER: This story deals with issues of sexual, metnal and physical child abuse, specifically, Gabrielle's anguish and recovery. It is melodramatic and can be classified as a hurt/comfort series. If you are sensitive to this subject please don't read.

I can be reached at padams1@xmsg.com  Please feed the bard. I promise not to bite.

* * *

**Healing For The Future**

**By Paully_A**

* * *

Xena traveled throughout the day and night to reach Amazonia, stopping only to tend to Gabrielle's wounds. As she reached the border, she stopped Argo; cradling Gabrielle as she crossed the border. 

Six Amazons jumped down from the trees as they recognized the warrior princess. An older Amazon warrior with short brown hair and stocky built approached. As she quickly assessed the situation, she turned to one of the younger amazons, "Go! Get a litter quickly, our Queen is hurt!" The young amazon raced back to the village as Eponin ran to Xena. "What happened?!?" 

Xena did not divulge any of the details. "I'll take her to the healer's myself." She nudged Argo, and the horse headed toward the village, with Eponin following. 

As they reached the village, a small crowd had gathered around the healer's hut. Up front was Chilapa, the acting queen and regent of the village. As Xena got off of Argo, Chilapa ordered the royal guards to keep back the crowd. 

Chilapa opened the hut's door and followed Xena inside. Garona, the lead healer of the village came into the room as Xena laid Gabrielle on the bed. Garona looked at the young queen and then at Xena. "What happened?" Xena shook her head. Garona turned her attention to Chilapa. "My regent, please send everyone but Xena out of here. They will be in my way." Chilapa nodded. Even though she wanted to know what had happened, she also knew that she would eventually find out. She escorted everyone out of the hut. 

Garona returned her attention back to Xena. She could tell that exhaustion was taking its toll. "Xena, I don't need two patients right now, please have a seat." As Xena sat in one of the chairs, Garona turned her attention back to the unconscious Gabrielle as she questioned Xena. "We are alone now, warrior. Tell me what happened." 

Xena lowered her head as she told Garona about the kidnapping and how she found Gabrielle. She left out the fact that it was Herodotus, Gabrielle's father, who had done this. As Xena told her the events, Garona looked over the stitches and bruises. 

"You did a fine job, Xena."

"Then why isn't she awake, Garona? I saw the blows to her head. They are bad, but not bad enough for her to be unconscious for this long."

"Her body needs time to heal. This may just be the way her body is reacting. She will come out of it." She walked over to Xena, "And I suggest that if you want to be awake when she comes out of this, you need to rest. I'll tell the guards to prepare a hut..."

"No, I'm not leaving her side."

Garona gave Xena a smile. "I suspected as much. You can stay here, as long as you get some sleep. The minute I think that you are keeping a vigil instead of resting, I'm sending you out of here and into a hut. Do I make myself perfectly clear?" Xena nodded. "Good. Get some rest." Garona took her leave as Xena laid in a bed next to Gabrielle's. She reached out and touched Gabrielle's cheek. 

"Please come back to me my love." Morpheus finally came and laid claim to Xena's mind and body.

Loud shouts broke the silence of the day. Xena woke up, rose from the bed and looked at her best friend. After two days the bruises and cuts were healing nicely, and most of the swelling was down, but Gabrielle remained unconscious. 

After giving her a kiss, the warrior princess walked toward the door to find out what all the commotion was about. As Xena exited the hut, she noticed that Chilapa stood talking with a number of warriors. "What is going on?"

"Xena, Garona told me what happened. Eponin is leading a group to find the man and bring him to justice."

Xena grabbed Chilapa by the arm. "Chilapa, we need to talk. There are some things you need to know."

"What is there to know?!?" Eponin interjected. "The scum brutalized our Queen. He will have a fair trial, and then he will die a very painful death." 

Before she could continue, two bright lights appeared before them. One was gentle and glowed. The other flickered three times. As the lights disappeared, Artemis, Ares and Sophia came into view. 

The Amazons bowed to their knees. "There is no need for the Amazons to search for him." Sophia looked at Xena as she spoke. "He is dead." Artemis motioned for the Amazons to stand. Chilapa looked over Sophia. "Who are you?"

"I'm a friend. My name is Sophia."

"Well Sophia, the Amazon nation owes you a debt of thanks."

"No thanks necessary." Sophia sighed. "The bastard killed himself before I could get to him." 

Artemis motioned for Xena, Ares and Sophia to follow her as she walked into the healer's hut. Gabrielle still lay motionless in the bed. Xena walked to her side and held her hand. She really couldn't stand him, but she knew she had to allow him here to do what he had to do. "Ares, do what you came here to do. Then leave." 

Ares nodded and then walked over to the Warrior Princess. "Xena, I do believe that Sophia took something that belongs to you." He placed his hand on her shoulder, and gently sent her darkness back into her. "Don't ever let my daughter do that again." Xena thought she could see genuine concern in his eyes. But just as quickly it disappeared. "I guess I'll be going now." 

Sophia cleared her throat. She raised her arms and held up her splinted and bandaged hands before her face. "What about these? Aren't you going to heal them?"

"No, you need to learn your lesson. Just think of those as reminders. Besides they will heal. Good-bye daughter." The light flickered and he was gone.

"Good-bye, Father." 

Artemis looked over at her niece. "You need to let the healer look at those hands." 

Garona came into the room and Artemis introduced her to Sophia. Garona looked at Sophia's hands."What did you do child, ram them into boulders?"

"No, into a tree. Trust me, the tree looks worse." 

Garona unwrapped the hands, check them over and re-wrapped them. "They will be fine. They are healing very quickly." 

As Garona looked over Sophia, Artemis walked over to her chosen one. "How long has she been like this Xena?"

"Since we first found her. She hasn't made a sound or move. I've never seen this before." 

Garona looked down at the Queen of the Amazons. The physical bruises that she found could not explain why Gabrielle was in this state. "For me to treat Gabrielle to the best of my abilities, I need to know exactly what happened." She waited for Xena to tell her, but Xena continued to look at her love. She sighed as she continued, "Nothing that I've seen could cause this. She should have been conscious yesterday, last night at the latest. Please, for her sake, tell me. Maybe I can help." 

Xena sighed and realized that Garona needed to know the cause of Gabrielle's condition. As she continued to look at her love, Xena told Garona, "It is not only what happen to her, but who did this." Garona did not say anything, knowing that Xena needed time to gather her emotions and thoughts before she could continue. Xena's voice was barely a whisper. "Herodotus did this."

Garona gasped as the new knowledge rocked her being. "Her father? By the gods." She reached down and touched Gabrielle's hand. She looked over at Xena. The warrior stared at the floor, her head and shoulders lowered. For a few days, she had held her emotions in check, making sure that Gabrielle received the best treatment possible. But now, the burden was just too much for her to handle. 

Xena's chest moved up and down in an erratic pattern, as her breathing became uneven. Everyone knew Xena needed to be alone; not wanting anyone to see her break down and cry, so they quietly left the room, leaving Xena with her grief.

Sophia and Artemis stood outside of the hut. Even though the sun was bright and high in the sky, a dark shadow hung over the guardian. *How many chances did I get? I could have protected her. But no, I tried to do the noble and right thing. I let the man live.* 

Artemis looked at her niece with concern in her eyes. Even as a child, Sophia took on too much responsibility for the happiness and safety of others. It was her determination and love that made her a great guardian. But now, Artemis could only sense guilt and rage. "Sophia, listen to me..."

"WHERE WERE YOU?!? ISN'T SHE YOUR CHOSEN ONE?!?" Sophia eyed the goddess. "Couldn't you have done something?"

"No, I couldn't. No matter what humans like to believe about us, the gods are not all-knowing or omnipotent. I could not stop this from happening, but I can help now." Artemis was about to tell her when Sophia's head snapped up, noticing something else.

"Sophia! Did you and Xena find her?" Lila came running up to Sophia, a couple days of travelling dust clung to her skin and dress. "Where is she?" 

Sophia's eyes never left Lila's eyes. "We found Gabrielle. Right now she's in the healer's hut." Sophia looked around Lila. Lila knew exactly for whom Sophia was looking for. 

"Don't bother, she did not come. I tried to convince her to come with me, I even stayed there for a while, hoping that she would change her mind, but she didn't. I guess she did not want to face the truth." Taking her eyes off of Sophia, she looked at the hut, "Is she alright?" 

Sophia swallowed hard before shaking her head no. "I won't lie to you; she's been through hell. She's been unconscious for a couple of days now. I don't know... She just lays there.... Maybe if she heard your voice..." 

Lila looked into Sophia's eyes, seeing only reflections of loss and confusion. Dreading the worst, Lila ran into the hut. 

Sophia looked at the sky, but did not really see it. Her mind was filled with confusing thoughts and conflicting emotions and her heart felt like it was going to break through her chest at any moment. "You know, sometimes I wonder why I even bother? Humans can be so cruel." 

Artemis reached out and gripped Sophia's shoulder. "Sophia, you have seen the greatest evil people are capable of, but you have also seen the depth of goodness as well. Don't forget that."

Sophia shook her head as she wiped away tears that she did not know had fallen. "Right now, evil has won." She turned her back to Artemis and walked off into the woods. 

Artemis watched as her niece disappeared from her sight. Part of her wanted to go after her niece, but she knew that Sophia needed to be by herself so that she could think.

"Aphrodite, show yourself!" Sophia yelled as she stomped through the woods. 

Light and glitter sparkled as the goddess of love appeared. "Sophia you need to chill. I know you are upset..."

"So you know, huh? Tell me auntie, which of the great and powerful gods doesn't know?"

"Sophia, you must calm down. I know you..."

Sophia raised a bandaged hand. "You don't know what I feel, so stop pretending that you do." Sophia paced back and forth in front of the goddess. "She's going to die."

"You don't know that."

"LIKE TARTARUS I DON'T! I've seen too many children broken and battered. I've seen people who start out in love, only to watch them grow to hate one another, or worst, not feeling anything towards each other. I've seen too much... too much..." She stopped pacing and stared right through the goddess. "Gabrielle once told me that love was the most powerful force in the whole world. I think she really believed that love could even stop a war." She smiled at the memory as the tears rolled down. "You know what, you should have made Gabrielle your guardian when you had the chance. But you didn't, you chose me."

"I chose well."

Sophia shook her head. "You didn't choose well enough." Ignoring her pain, she lifted a hand to her silver chain and amulet that identified her as a guardian and ripped it from her neck. She watched as it fell to the ground. "I can't do this anymore."

"Sophia, please." 

Sophia shook her head. "I don't want to hear it. I failed them. I failed her. You know, I stopped believing a long time ago, but every time I thought that I should quit being a Guardian, I would remember Gabrielle & Xena, and the love that they share. Just thinking about them gave me hope that love would win." She lowered her head, "But that hope is gone."

"No, it's not. Xena and Gabrielle have never let anything keep them apart. Their love is so strong; not even death has been able to separate them. Xena will not give up Gabrielle without a fight. I know she won't." She stooped down and picked up the necklace. "What are you going to do?"

"I don't know. Father needs a new warrior. Or maybe I can cut a deal with Chronos and get him to turn back the hands of time and change things. Or maybe Hades needs someone to torture the souls in Tartarus on a full time basis. I don't know what I'm going to do. But I know what I can't do." She pointed the necklace in Aphrodite's hand. "I can't keep pretending to believe in something I don't." She turned and started to walk away.

"What is it that you want Sophia?!? You want some type of guarantee that Gabrielle will be her old self? That things will work out?!"

She spun around, her eyes flashing in anger, "Yes, damn it! That is exactly what I want. I want to know that all this pain and suffering is for a reason. I want to know that things are going to work out. I want to know that Gabby will be the same Gabby that we have known and love." 

"Well, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but there are no guarantees. I wish I could say that there is a reason for all of this, but I can't because I really don't know if there is one. I wish I could tell you that things will work out, but I can't do that either. And no, Gabrielle is never going to be the same; things will never be the same for those two ever again." 

Sophia lowered her head and began to cry. Aphrodite walked over to her and embraced her. "I know that you are afraid and are having doubts. You are tired, and you feel like you are fighting a losing battle out there. I know how you feel. I feel it every time love is crushed, destroyed or abused. But I also feel it every time love wins; when love is born, when it changes and grows deeper. I sometimes forget that my guardians only get to see most of the negative stuff. Let me show you what I mean." She placed her hand over Sophia's heart. 

Bright color lights invaded Sophia's sight as her body and mind adjusted themselves to the new sensations she was experiencing. It was like she became a being of total emotion; she could feel the love pouring out from a mother and a father as she gave birth to a son and as he held the child for the first time; she could experience the rapture of a young couple as they took their vows, and she joined in the celebration of a couple's love who have been together for 40 years. And each experience seemed to have it's own light and energy. She could physically see the bonds of love grow stronger and brighter in each situation. 

She then focused her thoughts to find one particular bond. She gasped when she found that bond; for in spite of the fact that Gabrielle was unconscious, the bond between her and Xena was overpowering. The love between them flowed back and forth; never ceasing, and seemed to grow stronger. 

Aphrodite smiled as she shared her daily experience with her niece. "See what I mean?"

Sophia shook her head in disbelief, "I never knew."

"Isn't it rad?" As Aphrodite removed her hand from Sophia's chest, she noticed a solitary tear rolling down Sophia's cheek. "Are you okay?" 

Sophia did not answer the question. "I guess I better get back."

Aphrodite smiled. "Give them my love. And Sophia," she held up the necklace, "when you are ready, this will be waiting for you." 

Sophia looked at the amulet. Without saying a word, she turned away and walked back to the village.

Sophia entered the Queen's hut. "Garona told me that you moved her here."

"Yes, Sophia. We thought that when she comes to, she would be more comfortable in her own place." Sophia nodded at Lila and looked around the hut. The hut was larger than most of the hut, with thicker walls. On the walls hung several weapons that belonged to previous queens and a smaller replica of the queen's mask. In the far right corner of the room was a huge shelf, and on each level were various scrolls.

"Good idea. Any improvement yet?" 

Lila squeezed her sister's hand. "Not yet. But I know she will get better. She has too." She looked at her sister's face and shook her head. "Why? I don't understand; why did he treat her so mean? Why did he do this?" A flood of tears ran down her face as she cried for the loss of her father and the state of her sister and family. 

Without being sure of the truth, Sophia kept Herodotus' words to herself. "If you are looking for a justifiable reason, he didn't have one."

"I know that this may sound dumb or naive, but he was my father and I still love him. I remember him giving me pony back rides. It is still hard to believe that those same gentle hands that picked me up are the same hands that did this to Gabrielle. Which one was really him?" Lila looked up at her friends, hoping that someone had an answer. Sophia looked at the ground, avoiding her eyes while Xena seemed lost in thought. "Excuse me, I need some air." The young woman gave her sister's hand a final squeeze and left the hut. 

Sophia sat down by the bed. "How are you doing Xena?" 

"How do you think I'm doing?" 

Sophia studied Xena's face. Gone was the stoic mask that the warrior princess wore normally and it was replaced by bags underneath her eyes from lack of sleep and her eyes were red from the tracks of fluent tears. "You need to rest Xena. Remember what Garona said..."

"I can't, I want to be the first one she sees when she regains consciousness."

"If she wakes up, she is not going to be happy..."

"When she wakes up."

"Xena you have to prepare yourself for the worst. The longer she remains unconscious, the less likely she is ever going to come out of this." Sophia sighed as she looked at Xena. "Gabrielle is a fighter. She has cheated death so many times and these injuries are nothing compared to others. But remember, I was there when we found her. She lost her will to live. She needs that will, that determination to make it through this."

"She may not have that will, but there are too many of us who love her. I know she can feel that. That love can give her the strength to fight back."

"I wish I had your faith." Sophia rose to her feet. "I'm going to check on Lila. I know she is being torn apart by all of this."

Xena looked up at her friend. That is when she noticed the missing amulet. "Sophia?"

Sophia raised a hand to stop Xena's questions. "It is a long story. I promise to tell you later, but for now you need to keep sending your love to her. I know for a fact that the love you two share is something very, very special. Your love might be enough." 

Just then they both heard a moan. Together they both looked down at Gabrielle as another moan came from her.

"I'll go and get Garona." Sophia ran from the hut. 

Green eyes fluttered open. "Where am I?"

"Amazonia, in your hut. My Gods...You are a sight foor sore eyes." Xena stretchedout her hand to caress the bard's cheek. Before she could make contact, Gabrielle winced and pulled away; fear setting her eyes ablaze, "Don't touch me!"

"Gabrielle you have to eat something."

"Why should I. I'm not hungry and besides it doesn't stay down anyway."

For seven days, the Queen of the Amazons had been awake from her coma. During that time, nightmares had kept her from sleeping and nausea had her stomach doing somersaults whenever food came near her. 

Xena placed the food tray down on the table. "You are not going to get better without eating. I know that it is hard, but..."

"You know what I really want?" Gabrielle interrupted. "I want a bath. Lila, can you send a couple of guards to ..."

"No Lila don't." Xena gripped Lila's upper arm to stop her."Gabrielle, you have had thirteen baths in seven days. Besides, Garona is going to be here soon."

"Xena, I am fine." A knock came from the door and Lila went to open it."I don't need a healer, I can take care of myself."

"Let me be the judge of that." Garona smiled at Lila and Xena before returning her attention to Gabrielle. "Have you ever heard the saying 'A healer who has herself as a patient has a not so wise patient?'"

"And have you ever heard that the Queen's word is law?" Her voice dripped with sarcasm, "And since I am Queen, I say that I don't have to let you examine me."

Garona took a deep breath to calm down. "That is true Gabrielle. But for your sake I hope you do change your mind. You could have an infection and it is best if we catch it as soon as possible."

"If I had an infection, I would have a fever. But I don't have a fever, so I am fine. And now, if you will excuse me," she stood up "I'm going to go and take my bath in the hot springs."

"Fine my Queen. If that's the way you want it but I will be here later." The three women watched as Gabrielle left the hut. 

"Lila, go with her." Lila nodded and followed. Garona turned and looked at the warrior princess. "You look like a couple of wagons decided to use you as the road. Want to talk about it?"

"I don't know what to do Garona. I feel so helpless. She is in so much pain and there is nothing I can do to help her."

Garona took a seat and motioned for Xena to have one also. "Tell me." 

Xena told Garona about Gabrielle's nausea and lack of food consumption, the lack of sleep caused from both nightmares and her trying to sleep sitting up, and Gabrielle's refusals to let anyone comfort her. "It's like she is shutting off herself from everything and everyone around her. Whenever any of us gets near her, she pulls away from us. And I don't know what to say to ease her pain. She is slipping away and there is nothing I can do to stop it."

"Xena, the only thing you can do is to be there for her. Right now, the pain and the memories are too fresh. It is going to take time for her to open up; even more time for her to allow anyone to comfort her physically. And she is going to push you away. The only thing you can do warrior is to be patient; with her and yourself. This is just the beginning of a very long healing process for her."

"I understand and I know that you are right. It's just that she has always been the talker, the emotionally open one. You always knew what she felt because she told you or because of the way her eyes would light up. To watch as she traps her emotions inside herself is one of the most painful things I have ever experienced and I know that those trapped feelings are partly to blame for her physical condition." 

"They are partly responsible, but it will only harm her if you push her to share her feelings too soon. I can give you some herbs to help with the nausea. I suggest simmering the herbs in a broth so she won't be able to taste them and broth may be the only thing she will be able to keep down. As for her lack of sleep, it is best if she takes nothing. The sleeping herbs will not stop the nightmares, it would only make it harder for her to wake up from them and that may cause more harm than good." 

Xena swiped her hand through her hair in frustration. She was out of her element; she did not have control of the situation and the warrior princess did not like it one bit. Of course, she was never ever fully in control when it came to her bard. 

From the first day Xena and Gabrielle met, Xena lost control andshe knew it. She tried to keep the young girl from following her, but Gabrielle merely suggested other alternatives. Xena tried to send her back home but that didn't work. And somehow, the young girl became a young woman, a woman who had broken down the walls around Xena's heart and had made herself a home in it. In fact, they were each other's home. But now it seemed that they were being taken apart, brick by brick, because of Herodotus' cruel actions. *I won't let you win. I won't let you destroy her.* 

Garona could feel the energy and the determination flow from the warrior princess. "Let me give you one more piece of advice. You need to take care of yourself as well. It won't do either of you any good if you get ill. You have tons of people here who are willing to help. If you ever need to talk and get out your frustrations, remember that Sophia and Lila are here too. You don't have to do this by yourself." Xena nodded. "I'll come back later. You get some rest." 

Gabrielle rubbed her skin until it was raw and red, but she still could feel and smell him. Lila watched as her sister tried to wash away the memories. "Gabrielle, don't you think that you've been in there long enough?" 

Gabrielle lifted her head to glance at her sister. "You don't have to wait for me." 

Lila stood and walked to the edge of the tub. As soon as she came near, Gabrielle moved to the far side. "Gabrielle, what is happening to us? I thought we would always be there for each other, that we could tell each other anything." Gabrielle averted her eyes and stared into the warm water. "Gabrielle, you barely speak to me. I know you are in pain. Please let me help."

"You can't help me, no one can."

"Don't do this! Don't shut me out Gabrielle."

"There is nothing to say. I just want to be alone, okay? Now leave me."

Lila rose, never taking her eyes off of her sister. "Gabrielle...."

"GO!"

Tears swelled her eyes as Lila swallowed her words and ran from the bath-house.

"How is she?" Green eyes looked at the radiant form before them.

"She's doing as well as can be expected." Looking at the sky above him, he remembered the day he told the one woman who meant everything to him good-bye. 

He could still smell the scent of her, how she fit perfectly in his arms, and how he could sense the new life in her. His heart told him to hold on to them with all his might, yet his head warned him of the dangers that would face her and their child; especially since his enemy would not rest until she destroyed everything he loved. Ignoring his heart, he told her, and they both decided that it would be best if he had nothing to do with her and the child. He knew it was for the best, or so he thought. 

*How did things get like this?* Regret filled his voice, "I only wanted to protect the both of them."

"Hecuba knows that. It wasn't your fault."

"Yes it is! Look where my good intentions led them!"

"Listen to me!" She made sure his eyes were on her before continuing, "Both of us know that she would have killed both of them before the child was even a day old. You did the right thing."

"There was no right decisions; just varying degrees of wrong decisions. And right now, I feel like I made the worst choice." He snapped his reigns and the horses pulled his chariot away. 

_"Please stop, I'll be good." Another stinging slap found it's way to her face. "I'll be good I promise!" she screamed in-between her sobs, but he wasn't listening._

_"You will never be good." Another slap. "You are evil. You will never be anything." He pulled her up by the hair. "You are nothing!" _

_Xena watched as Gabrielle tossed and cried out; the tentacles of another nightmare holding her close. All she wanted to do was run and hold her love. Xena got up out of her bed and headed over to Gabrielle, when a final scream burst forth from the Amazon Queen's lips. Eyes wide opened and sweat pouring from her pores, Gabrielle looked around the room. _

_Lila ran from her room, "Gabrielle?" _

_Gabrielle did not respond. Instead she began her new ritual. She got out of bed, placed on her leathers, grabbed her __sais__ and walked out of the hut. Without missing a step, the royal guards followed their Queen. Lila looked at Xena. "How much longer is this going to go on?"_

_"I don't know." Xena walked to the front door and watched as Gabrielle entered the training circle and began doing drills._

_"Well, I know for a fact that practicing with those __sais__ are not helping her. She needs to talk, not fight."_

_"Doing drills can have a calming effect, trust me."_

_"Xena, I mean no offense, but drills may be good for you, but we are talking about Gabrielle. She is not a warrior." She turned her attention back on her sister. She watched as her sister moved with grace and power. Her jaw dropped as she watched Gabrielle throw both __sais__ into a post. Lila could not pull her eyes from her sibling as Gabrielle practiced her kicks. "When did she learn to do that?"_

_"As you can see, Gabrielle is a warrior and a good one at that."_

_Indeed, Gabrielle had changed much since the first day that Xena and her met. Gone was the overzealous teen who dreamed to become a warrior and a bard. The child had grown into a very capable woman; a woman who had fulfilled her dreams and in the process had made Xena's fantasies come true. Even though Apollo's chariot had barely broke through the horizon, Xena felt a warm sensation fill her and she knew that the source of that heat was the love that she and the bard shared. That love had seen them through previous challenges; and it will see them through this one as well. _

_Xena looked at Lila and notice a frown upon her face. "What's wrong?" _

_Lila continued to look at Gabrielle as she spoke, "I'm just realizing how different she is now. I guess I really don't know Gabrielle anymore. When we were kids, she always looked out for me. She would always lay in the bed with the covers on after Father would beat her. I would go into our room, crawl into her bed and start to cry. And you know what she did? She would wrap her arms around me and tell me a story. No matter what, she made me feel safe. We were so close, I thought that nothing would separate us. I even thought that after she and Perdicus were married I would move in with them." She lowered her head and stared at the ground. "But then, she started to push me away. I was so jealous of Sophia because she would spend all her time with her. And then you came along. She told me that she was going to follow you and become a warrior. I was so upset that I wanted to hurt her. So I did two things that I never done before, I laughed at her and then I pushed her down. When I looked at her eyes, I thought I saw something died. _

_The last time she visited us, I was mad because she was fulfilling her dreams without me while I stayed home and I wasted a lot off time fighting with her. Andnow, she is pushing me away again, at a time when we need each other the most. Is it unfair of me to want my sister back, to want our relationship like it was?" She looked back at her sister. "She is the only family I have right now. _

_I've come too close to losing her."_

_"You won't lose her. We will make it through this."_

_Lila glanced up at the warrior. Xena sounded so sure about the situation while Lila wasn't sure about anything. Lila wondered how Xena could be so certain, but then she saw it. It shined through her crystal blue eyes as Xena watched Gabrielle. Lila thought back to the visit at the farmhouse and realized she saw the same looks between the two. "You really love her don't you Xena?" _

_Xena looked at Lila, trying to gauge if she was ready for the truth. But Lila decided to plow full speed ahead. "And don't try to deny it. I've seen the way you look at her. And you want to know what I think?" She waited to see if Xena would say anything, but she didn't. "I think it is wonderful. You love her and she loves you. You really believe that love can conquer all huh?"_

_"I did not believe that until I met your sister. She believed that love could do it all not matter how I disagreed with her. And you know how stubborn she can be...especially when she knows she's right." Lila chuckled. They continue to watch Gabrielle in silence. Gabrielle practiced one last set of kicks and punches and headed towards the __hot springs__ bath house. _

_"So basically all we can do is watch and wait."_

_"No, we will be here for her. If she presents us an opportunity for us to talk, then we should take advantage of it. But we can't force her to talk about it; she will only push us further away."_

_"Okay, we play it your way."_

_"This is good, thanks."_

_"Your welcome. Want some nutbread to go with that?"_

_"Sure." Gabrielle eyed the cup of broth she had been sipping on. "So, what kind of herbs have you been feeding me Xena?"_

_Xena smirked as she cut off a slice of nutbread. Over the past few weeks, some things had improved. Even through Gabrielle famous "bottomless pit" appetite had not returned, she was eating and better yet, it was staying down. She even started taking over the responsibilities of being queen that didn't involve too much physical contact with others. And she no longer openly flinched when someone came near her. Yes, some things had improved.... "And how do you know that I put herbs in there Gabrielle? How do you know I didn't come up with a new recipe?" _

_"One, you don't like cooking so you would never come up with a new recipe. Two, my stomach hasn't been doing flips. Three, you've been feeding me this broth at least three times a day, every single day; always before I eat." _

_"The herbs came from Garona, so you have her to thank."_

_"So I can get them from her?"_

_Worry etched itself on Xena's face. "What's wrong? Is the nausea coming back?" _

_Gabrielle shook her head. "It's just that I wanted to know where to get the herbs after you leave."_

_"LEAVE?!?" ....and some things had not improved. Gabrielle was still pushing everyone away from her. No matter of much space Xena had given her, it did not seem enough. They were sleeping in separate beds and Gabrielle still wouldn't let anyone touch her, not even when her nightmares racked her body, mind and spirit. And because of the nightmares, Gabrielle would fight off Morpheus as long as possible. She had become very stoic, some might even say cold; her emotions kept under tight control. At times, Xena wonder if she would ever be able to break through the ice wall that Gabrielle had placed around herself. "Why do you think I would leave?"_

_"Come on Xena, you've been in this village for a while now. Your wanderlust is going to take hold and you will want to move on pretty soon."_

_"I would think that you would know by now that we are a team. I will stay here as long as you are here."_

_"What happens if I decide to stay here Xena? After all I am Queen and maybe it is time I take my role more seriously. I can't be a good queen if I'm too busy travelling with you."_

_Xena's normal stoic look was nowhere to be found as her eyes opened in shock and confusion, "So, do you want me to leave?"_

_"That's up to you Xena. I just don't want you to think you have to stay here if you don't want."_

_Xena ran a hand through her hair in frustration. "Gabrielle, you are the most important thing in the world to me. I would never dream of leaving this village without you." Xena kneeled down in front of the Amazon Queen. "I know that it is going to take time for you to feel safe again. We don't have to rush anything because we will stay here as long as you want, okay?"_

_*And what will happen if I never feel safe again?* She could feel the anger, pain and frustration as they started to churn inside. "I've got to go. I promised Eponin that I would give a sai demonstration." _

_For a moment, Xena could see the emotions in her eyes, but all too quickly the ice wall came back up. "I'm sure that Eponin could keep the trainees busy for a while without you. You look like you need to talk."_

_"There is nothing to talk about Xena." She quickly stood up and walked to the door, hoping that Xena would drop it. "Now, if you will excuse me."_

_Xena's stubbornness decided to show itself. "You can't keep running Gabrielle. You need to talk about your feelings. They are eating away at you."_

_"So now you can see inside my mind and know that I need to talk. Is this another one of your 'many skills?' Besides, talking is not going to change things Xena."_

_"It can't change the past Gabrielle, but talking can help you deal with the past; it can help you heal. You don't have to talk to me. You can talk to Sophia, Lila, Garona or anyone else of your choosing."_

_"Xena...I just can't deal with this right now. I'll think about it, okay? I've got to go, Eponin is waiting." Without another word, she walked out the door and headed to the training grounds. _

_"Hi stranger."_

_Sophia looked up. "Hi Xena."_

_"Where have you been? We miss seeing your ugly mug around."_

_Guilt ran through her veins as she realized that it had been a number of days since she last visited her friends. "Sorry I haven't been around much. I just figured that Gabby had enough mother hens fluttering around her. Besides, you guys don't need me."_

_"That's not true. If it wasn't for you, I'm not sure she would have told me about the abuse in the first place. I was hoping that you could talk to her." _

_Sophia raised up her eyebrows and waited for Xena to continue. "She still won't talk to anyone about what happened. And she keeps pushing all of us away."_

_"Xena, you need to understand the dynamics between children and parents to help Gabrielle. Parents are gods to their children. A child will do anything to fulfill the expectations of the parents. For example, a parent who constantly tells a child that they can't sing or dance will wind up with a child who believes that they can't sing or dance. And no matter how much others may compliment that child, there will always be a little voice telling that child that he or she can't sing or dance."_

_"So Gabrielle has a voice talking to her; but I still don't understand what it has to do with the way she is behaving."_

_"Herodotus' voice is telling her that she is no good and she's not worthy to be loved; that somehow she is responsible for what happened to her. Hecuba's voice is silent; which only confirms that Herodotus is right. One of the reasons she is pushing everyone away is that part of her believes she shouldn't be loved; that she somehow deserves the pain in her life. She is also afraid; the two people in her life that should have loved her unconditionally caused great harm to her and that has taught her that you can't trust people just because they say that they love you."_

_"If that is what she has learned and believed why didn't she show signs earlier? The only signs were the nightmares."_

_"That's not true Xena. A young girl runs away from home into the arms of a warlord who was known as 'the Destroyer of Nations', a woman whose reputation made the gods look like prudes. One could argue that home was worst, but why jump from the frying pan into the fire? And look at her stories Xena. She leaves no detail out when she describes the trouble that she gets the both of you in, yet she never mentions herself as the hero, you always manage to save the day without any help from her. She never sees herself as we see her; she doubts herself and her choices."_

_"So how do we silence Herodotus voice?"_

_"I don't know," *especially since I'm trying to silence his voice inside my head.* Their last conversation still echoed in her mind, "Have you ever noticed something different about her Sophia? Look at me. Now think about Hecuba and Lila. Now think about her." _

_"She's not yours, is she?"_

_"No." _

_Since then she had kept silent about his confession, fearing that it was just a last attempt to hurt Gabrielle further. *But what if it is the truth? I guess there will be time later to deal with this...after Gabrielle get better.* "I don't think the voices ever go away Xena, people learn how to ignore them and move on with their lives."_

_She looked over at Xena with concern in her eyes. "Xena, the only thing you can do is to take every opportunity to tell her and show her that she is good enough to be loved and appreciated. I've seen the love you two share and it is one of the most powerful things I have seen in my entire life. Rely on that love to get the both of you through this present darkness."_

_Gabrielle stood in front of the trainees, holding her __sais__ and performing complicated movements. Every muscle flexed and moved perfectly together as if they were in a dance. Lila sat with the other trainees, her eyes never leaving her sister. In the mornings, when she watched Gabrielle practice from afar, she was impressed; but now, watching her elder sister up close, Lila was mesmerized by the sight. Gabrielle had managed to deflect all the arrows and throwing knives. She then finished her demonstration by throwing both __sais__ into the post. _

_The trainees admired their Queen with applause and cheers. Eponin raised her arms to silence the group. "Are there any questions for our Queen?" A young red-head raised her arm. Eponin shook her head. _

_Tali was one of the better fighters in the group and she knew it. The trainee was in her seventeenth summer and she loved showing herself off to anyone who would watch and/or listen. Of course, Tali did not need to showoff to be noticed, with her fiery head of hair and her statueques height everyone knew who she was. _

_Eponin looked around hoping to find someone else to call on, but no one else had a question. "Okay Tali, what is it?"_

_"My queen that was quite impressive. But what can those __sais__ do against a sword?A sword's reach is longer?"_

_"Trust me Tali, these are very effective against a sword."_

_"Well, can you demonstrate this? I just don't see how it would work." Eponin looked over at Gabrielle. Gabrielle stood silent for a moment than nodded. It was her responsibility as Queen to make sure the trainees were well prepared, and since she was the only Amazon who knew how to use the __sais__ effectively, she couldn't say no. _

_As Tali pulled her sword and walked into the circle, Eponin grabbed her arm and whispered, "Remember, this is YOUR QUEEN. Don't do anything stupid or I'll be all over you." She let go of the trainee and took a seat next to Lila._

_"Why do I have a feeling that this was not a good idea?" Lila whispered to Eponin._

_"Don't worry, I already warned Tali not to do anything stupid."_

_Tali seemed to have taken Eponin's warning to heart and pulled back on her swings. As the demonstration continued Tali became more and more agitated; her strokes became harder and faster, yet Gabrielle still anticipated every one of her moves. Gabrielle then switched to offense and Tali found herself being forced back, even though she could tell that Gabrielle was holding back on her kicks and punches. There was one thing that Tali loved more than showing off and that was winning, and her need to win was over-riding her common sense. _

_Eponin could see the frustration on Tali's face. *Don't do anything stupid.* Eponin was one of the few who knew the full truth. She watched as Tali became more aggressive. Eponin stood up, anticipating trouble. _

_Tali backed up to the post and swung her sword. Gabrielle easily caught the blade in her __sais__. Using her superior strength, Tali reversed their positions and pressed Gabrielle into the post. Leaning against her captive she was about to ask, "Do you give my Queen?" but the words never made it to her mouth. _

_Gabrielle screamed in terror and anger. She pushed Tali off of her and attacked. After a series of kicks and punches, Tali fell to her knees. Gabrielle stood above her, one sai against her throat, the other held above her head quickly descending towards the trainee. _

_Eponin managed to block the sai before it reached its target. The weapons master looked at Gabrielle and saw her eyes were glazed over._

_"My Queen. I think you proved your point." Gabrielle looked up at Eponin and looked at her own hands which still held the __sais__. Without saying a word, she turned and walked away. Eponin helped Tali up off the ground._

_"Go see the healer and let her check you over." Her eyes became slits as she let her anger show, "Then go to my hut and wait for me. We are going to talk about obeying orders." _

_Lila ran after her sister. "Gabrielle wait!" Gabrielle continued on. "Leave me alone Lila."_

_"No. I won't leave you like this. We need to talk." Gabrielle didn't say anything, but kept on walking. Lila reached out and grabbed her shoulder. "Please..."_

_"DON'T TOUCH ME!" Gabrielle swung around and before she knew it, her backhand connected with Lila's face. Lila fell to the ground. "Lila?" _

_She laid there motionless. A few amazons heard the commotion and ran to where they were. Chilapa and Eponin were among them. As Eponin checked Lila, Chilapa looked at her queen. "What happened Gabrielle?" Gabrielle looked down at the unconscious form, slowly took a couple of steps back and then ran into the woods._

_Xena and Sophia were stilling talking when an Amazon came running up to them. "Xena, Sophia come quickly."_

_"What's wrong?"_

_"The queen's sister has been hurt."_

_"Lila? Is she okay?" Both Xena and Sophia ran to Garona's hut and entered. Lila was sitting up in the bed. _

_"Where is she? Xena have you found her?"_

_"Slow down Lila. Are you okay?"_

_"Don't worry about me. You need to find Gabrielle."_

_"Where is she?"_

_Lila and Eponin told Xena and Sophia what happened during the training. Eponin then said, "She ran into the woods about half a candlemark ago. No one has seen her since."_

_"Sophia, I want you to stay by our hut, just in case she comes back there. I'm going out to look for her."_

_Sophia nodded and wished her friend luck. As she left, Xena prayed to any god listening that she would find Gabrielle safe and sound. _

_She stared at the lake as silent tears flowed down her face. She had no idea where she was or how long she had ran; she just kept going until it was too painful to continue. She then sat on a boulder and watched the perfectly calm lake which did not reflect the turmoil that was in her soul. _

_The crickets and frogs played their music, but the only sound she heard was the sickening thud as her hand slammed into her sister's head, *I almost killed Tali and then I struck Lila. He was right about me. He was right.* As numbness started to work its way into her limbs, she hoped that it would find its way into her soul as well; easing the pain, fear, and anger she could feel rising in her. For too long, she ignored the emotions that ate her insides, for too long she buried them, and now they were fighting their way out. But she refused to give in, refused to give them release. Instead she swallowed them down; and she could feel herself drowning, her mind being swept away in the waves of torment as numbness overtook her._

_Xena followed Gabrielle's trail. Luckily the bard wasn't thinking about covering her tracks. The warrior princess recognized the place to where Gabrielle ran. It was the lake that they discovered when their love was still new: _

_They had decided to just get away for the day so that Gabrielle could have a break from council meetings and Xena from trainees. With a basket of food and a blanket, they walked to the lake that they had heard about from Ephiny. _

_The lake was just as she described; glassy and peaceful, a place where they could think, talk and express the new facet of their love for each other. _

_*Should have known she would come here. Those were happy times.* Xena did not want to frighten the bard, so she called out. _

_Gabrielle did not respond. Xena walked around her so that she could face her. Dark gray-green eyes did not take notice of her presence. "Gabrielle?" No response came forth. _

_Darkness never felt so inviting to the bard. She knew she was surrounded by it; its numbing appendages holding her tight. She can almost feel it as she reached out her arms to embrace it. But something is trying to breakthrough. She tightened her grip on the darkness, ignoring the new presence._

_"Gabrielle, don't do this!" Xena knelt in front of the bard, making sure she did not come into contact with her. "Do you remember the promise that you made to me? You promised me that you would lean on me, that you would remember that you were not in this by yourself. I'm holding you to your promise Gabrielle."_

_Darkness still engulfed her, but the new presence will not give up. It reached out to her, and she felt its warmth as it tried to envelope her in its arms. _

_"You have always been my light and anchor. When I wanted to give up, you wouldn't let me. Please let me be there for you. I want to share your pain, your fears and burdens. I understand how the nightmares torment you. We can fight them together, just as we always had before." _

_The comfort the darkness promised had become cold and distant. As the voice grew louder the colder the darkness became. She no longer wanted to stay, nor did she want to return to the pain. A solitary tear rolled down the bard's face and Xena knew that she was breaking through. _

_*** _

_"No matter how hard you push Gabrielle, I'm not going to let you out of my life. Of all the people I know, you are the most special that I ever had met. Your love and compassion touches everyone you come into contact with. If it wasn't for you, the centaurs and amazons would still be at war, but instead they live in peace with one another. If it wasn't for your bravery and insight, Valesca would have became Queen and destroyed this nation. And if it wasn't for your love, the darkness in me would have taken control again." _

_** _

_Other tears flowed from her eyes. She closed her eyes as she tried to hold back the emotional tidal wave; but the ice wall cracked and was beginning to melt. Sobs began to rack her body. She leaned into Xena and cried._

_* _

_"It was your love Gabrielle that has changed this warlord forever. You are a gift from the gods. Don't ever doubt that. Herodotus couldn't destroy you while he was alive. Don't let him destroy you now."_

_"I just want it to stop. I want all of it to stop."_

_Xena gently raised her hand and began to stroke Gabrielle's hair. "One thing I can promise Gabrielle is that the nightmares will become less and less. And the pain and fear will ease. Just remember, you are not doing this alone. We are here for you." _

_"Lila? Is she alright?"_

_"She is fine. In fact, she is probably arguing with the others that she should be out looking for you."_

_They stayed there, in their present positions for a candlemark. When the sobbing turned into breathing, Xena looked down at her partner. "Are you ready to head back?" Gabrielle slowly nodded. Once they were standing, Xena held out her hand. _

_Gabrielle looked down at the hand and slowly took it. They walked back to the village; silently realizing that an understanding had been reached._

_After much apologizing between the sisters, Xena and Gabrielle finally left the healer's hut and headed back to their own, walking hand in hand. Even though they had missed dinner, neither of them were hungry, just tired. They both got ready for bed in silence. Gabrielle looked at her bed and her fear of nightmares ebbed into her._

_"Xena? Can you do me a favor?"_

_"Sure. What is it?" _

_Gabrielle sighed as her eyebrows furrowed together. The words got stuck in her throat and she had to force them out, "Can you hold me tonight?" She quickly looked down at the floor. _

_Xena walked over to the Queen of her heart. "Of course. I'll hold you for as long as you want, okay?" They both laid down in the small bed, facing each other. Xena wrapped her arms protectively around the bard and soon they both fell asleep._

_She couldn't see him, but she knew he was near, watching her. She began to run, his voice screaming for her to come back. She ran, dodging trees and limbs, until she tripped. He was coming closer and closer... _

_Gabrielle tossed in her sleep; her body reacting to the nightmare her mind was living. "Gabrielle, it's alright. You are safe. He can't hurt you any more. I'm here. It's alright love, it's alright." Xena spoke as she continued to stroke Gabrielle's head. _

_Gabrielle settled down and continued sleeping. Each time a nightmare tried to take hold, Xena spoke, her words calming the sleeping bard. As the sun sent its warmth upon their faces, the warrior woke up. Even though she spent most of the night soothing Gabrielle, she knew that she was willing to do that for all of eternity if it meant that she would see the spark in Gabrielle's eyes again. _

_The bard yawned and realized two things. First, this was the first time in a long while that the sun had beat her out of bed. Second, she felt safe when she awoke. She looked up at Xena. "Hi."_

_"Hi there. How did you sleep?"_

_"Okay, I guess. How about you? I didn't keep you awake all night did I?"_

_"No you didn't." She looked at her bard. "Thank you."_

_"For what?"_

_"For sharing with me. I know it took a lot of trust on your part to let me hold you."_

_Gabrielle did not respond and they laid there in silence. Xena finally spoke, "So what are your plans for today?"_

_"Talking. I know you are right Xena. I do need to talk about this. And there is no one I trust more than you." She looked away from the cobalt blue eyes. "But there are some things I'm not sure I can talk about, even with you."_

_"Tell you what, I'll send one of the guards to get us breakfast. After we eat, we will talk for a little while. We'll take it slow. If there are things you need to get off your chest, but you can't speak about them, write them down on a scroll. But don't keep things bottle up inside, okay?"_

_Gabrielle nodded and closed her eyes, falling asleep once more. *Well so much for breakfast,* Xena thought as she smiled and followed her partner's example. _

_Sophia smiled as she saw her favorite couple walking together hand in hand towards the lake. Almost two weeks had past since Xena found Gabrielle and things were slowly getting back to normal; everything that is but one--Xena and Gabrielle seemed stronger now than ever before. And Sophia couldn't be happier. _

_She visited Gabrielle yesterday and remembered how the bard teased her aboutSophia's infrequent visits -- "You are just too busy playing match-maker. So who are you matching yourself with?" Sophia laughed at the memory. *I wish I was busy finding my soulmate.* _

_Even though she was no longer a guardian, Sophia still acted like one; helping others with their relationships and love probblems. *Aphrodite is probablylaughing at me right now. Still taking on the responsibilities without any of the French benefits.* "Speaking of benefits, I wonder if my soulmate is here in _

_Amazonia__?" Sophia looked around at the Amazons as they passed by. It was true that a few of the Amazons had shown an interest, but Sophia did not bother pursuing. She knew what soulmates were, and did not want to settle for anything less. As she scanned the area, she saw Lila heading her way. 'Oh great, just what I needed.'_

_"Hi Sophia? Have you seen my sister?"_

_"Yeah, she and Xena were heading off somewhere. I think they wanted to be alone."_

_"Oh." As Sophia looked at Lila, her gut sank lower and lower. She realized that Herodotus may have told her the truth, but the only person who knew for sure was in Poteidaea and Sophia had no intentions of seeing that woman. Sophia was so busy thinking, she did not notice the constant chattering coming from Lila. _

_"...even though Mother and Father said that was wrong, seeing them together, I can only hope I find someone to love me like that. Do you think that I will find my love?" _

_"Huh? Oh sure, it will happen."_

_"Cool. So I can move in with you right?"_

_"WHAT?!?!??!!" Sophia's eyes nearly popped out of their sockets as her jaw dropped to the ground._

_"Haven't you been listening? I said that Xena and Gabrielle are soulmates and are very good for each other, and I know that they have been getting real close and all, and I know that it is difficult having me living in the same hut, I was thinking about staying with you, you know with them being in love and all that even though Mother and Father..."_

_"Okay I got that part." Sophia was looking for an escape route, "You know, I was in the library the other day, looking over the laws and customs of the Amazons, and I think I read that Amazon princesses get their own hut." She was lying through her teeth, but at this point Sophia was willing to chew through an arm to get out of this conversation._

_"That's nice. What does that have to do with me?"_

_"Since you are the Queen's sister, you are technically an Amazon princess. Now to become an official Amazon, you will have to go through the necessary training and rituals. But you still get your own hut." _

_Sophia quickly scanned her surroundings and saw an Amazon walking close by. "Now if you will excuse me, I hear someone's heart breaking." With that she walked up the Amazon and offered an arm to her, "I'll explain later, let's just keep walking, okay?" _

_Gabrielle leaned back against the warrior and stretched her legs in front of her on the blanket. She rested her arms on Xena's bent knees as the pair studied the clouds in the sky. "That one looks like a pouncing cat."_

_"That was good. See that one to the left? I think it looks like a chakram."_

_Gabrielle squirmed around to look Xena in the face. "You think everything looks like a chakram," she turned back around and leaned back into Xena before continuing, "or a target."_

_"That's not true." Xena pointed to another cloud. "That one looks like the pyramids in __Egypt__."_

_"Where?"_

_"There."_

_"No way. That is a mountain range."_

_"How can you say that looks like a mountain range? It is the pyramids."_

_"Mountains." _

_"Pyramids." _

_"Mountains." _

_"Pyramids." _

_"Mountains."_

_"Must we argue over clouds too? You would think we were talking about the stars or something." _

_Gabrielle grabbed the bunch of grapes that was next to her and popped one into her mouth. "And I was right about it too. It was a bear."_

_"No, it is a dipper."_

_"Oh shut up and eat your grapes." With that she turned and shoved a grape into the warrior's mouth. The look of surprise on Xena's face caused her to giggle._

_"Are you laughing at me Gabrielle?"_

_"No, I would never laugh at you." Xena's eyebrow quirked upward."Okay, I may be laughing at you just a little bit." She reached out and tucked Xena's hair behind her ear. "But the main reason I'm laughing is because I'm happy." _

_"I'm glad. There is nothing that I want more than for you to be happy.... Sometimes I wondered if we would find this type of happiness again."_

_"I did too." She caressed Xena's cheek. "Thank you."_

_"For what?"_

_"For fighting for me even when I gave up. For so long, you told me that I was your light; but now, you are mine. You are my rock and shield." She bent closer to Xena, "and I love you for that." She lowered her head and their lips barely touched. Xena knew that Gabrielle needed to be in control, so she sat back and let Gabrielle dictate the kiss. The kiss deepened as Xena let Gabrielle gain entrance into her mouth. The kiss wasn't demanding, but it was passionate. _

_Gabrielle pulled back and turned back around, wrapping Xena's arms around her. _

_Once she caught her breath, Xena spoke the first word that popped into her mind, "Wow."_

_"My sentiments exactly." _

_Xena kissed the top of the bard's head. "I love you bard."_

_"Love you too warrior."_

_Sophia smiled as she saw Gabrielle blush. "Yep, you got it pretty bad."_

_"Sophia, stop teasing me."_

_"Okay, okay. So I take it that you are happy, no?"_

_"Yes, very happy." The smile on her face could light up the sky._

_"Xena's been so patience, so giving, so loving." She lowered her eyes to the ground. "I just wish that she would let me show her how much I love her."_

_Sophia furrowed her brows. "What happened?"_

_Crimson painted itself on Gabrielle's face and neck as she talked to Sophia. "Last night, I wanted to, you know, make love to her. But then she stopped me. She told me that she wanted to make love to me and asked if I was ready for that."_

_"And you said..."_

_"No."_

_"Good."_

_"Good? What's good about that?"_

_"You were honest with her, and that is good Gabby. So how did she take it?" _

_A small smile came upon her face. "She said that the next time we make love, she wants us to do it together, not just me making love to her or vice versa. I didn't know whether to cry or to kiss her."_

_"Let me guess, you did both."_

_"Yeah, I did." Her voice turned serious, "Sophia, what if I can't let her make love to me? I still get scared just thinking about it. What if..." _

_"Gabrielle, don't deal with what ifs. They will only make you crazy. Instead of dealing with what ifs, deal with facts. Fact number one, you have come a long way. Do you remember when you first woke up? You wouldn't let any one near you, much less touch you. And now, listen to yourself. You are talking about making love. Fact number two, Xena loves you with her entire being. She will not rush you in doing anything that you aren't ready for. Therefore, don't rush yourself. You two have plenty of time to rediscover that part of yourselves. Fact number three, when the time is right, you will know." An evil smirk grew across Sophia's continence. "And when that time comes, please do the rest of us a favor. Go to your hut, lock yourselves in, and place a parchment that reads 'Do Not Disturb' on the door okay? We don't want an angry Xena throwing her chakram at us because we knock at an inappropriate time." Both of them started to laugh. "But seriously Gabby, you will know when the moment is right. Trust me."_

_Gabrielle nodded. "Thanks Sophia. Now let me give you some advice." She grabbed Sophia's hands and gave them a squeeze before continuing. "You my dear friend, in your heart you are still a Guardian, and whether you like it or not, it is who you are. Maybe you should consider becoming one again."_

_Sophia smiled at her friend. She knew Gabrielle was right. Ever since Aphrodite let her see the power of love, she had felt her doubt slowly but surely melt away. She was no longer the guardian who naively believed that love could conquer everything, but she was no longer as cynical either. And she knew that balance would allow her to become the best guardian she could be. But there was still one loose string she had to take care of, one that could wait. "I'll think about it. If I do become a guardian again, the first thing Aphrodite is going to do is ship me off to somewhere else. And right now, I'm having too much fun here."_

_"You are not corrupting my Amazons are you?"_

_"Gabrielle, your Amazons are corrupting me. I was filled with purity until your Amazons got a hold of me. Now, I will never be the same." Sophia tried to look wide-eyed and innocent. Gabrielle just laughed._

_"That was some excellent fertilizer that just came out of your mouth. Now why don't you go spread it somewhere else, because I have a council meeting to go to."_

_"Council meeting? Is it something serious?"_

_"No, just planning the Fall Harvest Festival."_

_"You mean the After the End of Summer blowout but before the Winter Solstice Celebration Party."_

_"You know, you are starting to sound a lot like Xena. You don't have to come you know."_

_"And break all those hearts? Never! After all, I have my reputation to maintain." _

_"Oh brother." Gabrielle rolled her eyes. "See you later." Gabrielle headed toward the council hut, shaking her head all the way there. _

_Xena smiled at the sight that greeted her when she opened the door. At the table was Gabrielle furiously writing; her brow furrowed as her quilt speedily went across the parchment. _

_Gabrielle grinned as she wrote yet another line. It was then that she noticed Xena. "Hi Xe. How did training go?" _

_Xena took off her scabbard and armor. "Fine. The young ones are going to be fine warriors." Xena walked over to Gabrielle. "What are you writing?" _

_"I promised some of the children that I would have a story for them at the Fall Festival." Gabrielle then told Xena about the story. All the while, Xena noticed the twinkle in Gabrielle's eyes, the twinkle that had been missing so long. It was just one more indication that her love was going to be alright. "I'm glad you are writing again. And speaking of writing, can you do me a favor?"_

_Gabrielle returned to her writing. "It depends. What is it?"_

_"I was wondering if you could rewrite some of your stories?"_

_Gabrielle frowned. "Why? Don't you like my stories?"_

_"I do. But don't you remember that promise we made to Loki? Well, I wanted you to rewrite the old stories, making sure you include the great deeds that you did." _

_Gabrielle lifted up her head and eyed Xena. Her instincts told her something was up, but she couldn't place her finger on it. ""So you want me to rewrite mystories so that Loki won't be disappointed? What's the catch?"_

_"No catch." Gabrielle arched her eyebrow and waited to hear more. "Okay, maybe one small catch. Today, during practice, one of the trainees gushed about my 'skills' as a warrior. She started to recite some of your tales. Gabrielle, do you know that you have some people believing that I can do the impossible like fighting off 30 soldiers single-handedly. Now if I remember right, you took out at least ten of them yourself."_

_"Well, sometimes facts don't make a story as interesting Xena. It is called poetic licensing."_

_"Call it whatever you want. But I think your Amazons would find it much more interesting if they knew that their Queen was a great warrior as well." Xena threw up her hands. "Just trying to give you advice that's all."_

_"And when did you become interested in barding?"_

_"Hey, if you can be a warrior, then I could be a bard."_

_Gabrielle held back a laugh as her hand dropped her quill. "Oh really?"_

_"Yes really. I think it is only fair that we learn from each other." Xena saw doubt written all over the bard's face. She walked over to where Gabrielle was sitting. "For example, I taught you how to fist a fish, how to track, and hunt." She reach out and gently took Gabrielle's hand, pulling her out of her seat, "And you taught me how to enjoy the stars, how to see the good in others and most importantly how to see the light inside of myself." _

_"Xena, I didn't teach you those things, they were already inside of you."_

_"Maybe, but you help me discover them. And I want you to discover the hero that you have always been. So what do you say, you help me discover the bard in me, and I'll help you to see who you are. Is it a deal?"_

_Gabrielle lowered her head, for she did not want Xena to see the tears that were forming in her eyes. If she did not love the warrior already, she knew that at this moment she would have fallen head over heels. She looked up and instead of answering Xena's question, she kissed her; and in that one kiss she tried to express all the love that she felt for her champion. As the kiss continued and deepened, Gabrielle decided that a kiss wasn't enough to show Xena her love. _

_"I think...that we have...talked about stories enough..." Her lips move across Xena's jawline to her very sensitive earlobe. "What do you think...my warrior?"_

_Xena took a breath, hoping that it would cool down the heat that was rising in her. "Um...Gabrielle?" The bard ignored her as she suckled on the lobe. "I think...um...I think," *I can't think!* "Um...that you should," *continue,* "behave yourself."_

_Gabrielle raised her head and looked Xena straight in the eyes. "So, you are not going to let me seduce you?" She lowered her head and delivered a kiss that Xena could feel in her toes. She pulled away and waited for Xena's answer. Xena did not trust her voice at this moment, so she shook her head no. Gabrielle smiled as she noticed the effect that her kisses had on the warrior._

_"Fine. See you later." She walked right out of their hut. Xena's body felt the loss immediately. Once she was sure that her knees wouldn't buckle, she put back on her armor and scabbard and headed to Eponin's hut. She knocked on the door hard. Eponin yanked the door open._

_"By the gods Xena, what's the big.....HEY!" Xena grabbed her and dragged her to the training circle. The warrior released the Weapon Master and pulled out her sword. Eponin swallowed hard as she noticed the intensity that flashed in the cobalt blue eyes that saw her every move._

_"Um, Xena, are you mad at me or something?"_

_"No, I just need to work out some...frustration."_

_After an intense workout and a cold bath, Xena returned to the hut to find Gabrielle already in bed. Narrowed eyes met smiling eyes._

_"Tell me one thing Gabrielle, are you going to behave yourself?"_

_Gabrielle snickered. "I promised, no funny business."_

_"Good." As she began to remove her armor, she could feel Gabrielle's stare on her. She decided to give retribution to Gabrielle for her little game. She slowly removed her armor and leathers, then stretched out her body as she let her sleeping shift slip over her body. As she crawled into bed, Gabrielle had one word to say to her, "Tease."_

_Xena laughed as she pulled the bard near. "Love you."_

_"Love you too."_

_"Are you sure?"_

_Gabrielle's eyes twinkled as she thought about the preparations."Positive."_

_Sophia grinned and then laughed. "Oh, this is going to be fun."_

_"You think you can pull it off? Are you going to need any help?"_

_"Oh please. You are talking to Aphrodite's former number one Guardian of love here. Leave it all up to me."_

_"So you want us to forget about the traditions of the Amazons?" Artemis stared at the warrior as they stood in her temple. "There are several things that stand against you Xena."_

_"Artemis, I know what I'm asking for is unusual..."_

_"Highly unusual," she interrupted. "Tell me warrior, why should I grant your request?"_

_"Artemis, you can see inside my heart and you know it is filled with her. If you asked me a few months ago if I thought it was possible for me to love her more than what I already do, I would have answered you no, but now even with," Xena paused trying to find the right words, "correction, because of the pain and suffering we have gone through, every single day, I love her more than the day before._

_Beside Artemis, all of this is a technicality. Because what I'm asking for today has already taken place in our hearts, and even if you tell me no, it would be too late." _

_Artemis smiled to herself. She knew that she would give permission to Xena, but she did like to see the warrior squirm.n"It seems that you have already made up your mind warrior. If this is just a _

_technicality, why come to me?"_

_"Even though I don't need your blessing Artemis, I know that Gabrielle would want it. And I would do anything to make her happy, even if that includes asking a god for permission to propose to the woman I love." Xena kneeled down in front _

_of the goddess and lowered her eyes. "So, I am asking you, Artemis, goddess of the Amazons, may I ask Gabrielle to be _

_my bondmate?" _

_"Xena, I do know what is in your heart, and I know what is in my chosen one's as well. So let me get this little technicality out of the way." She cupped Xena's chin and raised her head, making eye contact with the warrior. "Go warrior, you have my permission."_

_Xena stood and bowed, thanking the goddess before leaving. _

_The drums slowly pounded out their rhythm as the crowd awaited the arrival of their Queen and Regent. Everyone stared in awe as the two women made their way to the daises. Both were dressed in their ceremonial leathers and masks & both looked truly regal. _

_Chilapa looked over to Gabrielle, awaiting her signal to begin. The Queen nodded and Chilapa began. "We have come here to celebrate the bountiful blessings that have been bestowed upon us by Artemis and Demeter. Let us thank the goddesses of the hunt and the grain." The crowd cheered and yelled as Gabrielle walked to a giant pile of wood and started the bonfire._

_"Let the celebration begin!" _

_Both women returned to their thrones. "I want to thank you my Queen for allowing me to officiate with you tonight."_

_"Chilapa, we have gone through this a million times, please call me Gabrielle." She smiled at the regent. No matter how much Gabrielle talked to her, Chilapa was determined to follow protocol. "And there is no need to thank me, Ephiny and I always shared in officiating duties for the festivals." _

_"Nevertheless, it was a great honor for me." _

_They chit-chatted for a few moments until Sophia made her way to the daises. Sophia did not say a word, for she did not need to; the giant grin and 'two-thumbs up' signal said it all. After she gave the sign she took off._

_"I'm afraid to ask, but what was that about?"_

_Gabrielle started to blush. "Oh, it was nothing. Sophia can be a bit unusual at times."_

_"So, how did you and Sophia meet?"_

_"We grew up together in Poteidaea." Both watched as Sophia flirted with yet another Amazon. "You know, I really need to talk with her about corrupting Amazons."_

_"She is a big flirt." It was at that moment Sophia looked up and caught both of them looking at her. She smiled and waved. Chilapa smiled and waved back._

_As she looked at the two, an idea popped into Gabrielle's head. Chilapa needed someone to help her unwind and Sophia needed someone who wouldn't be putty in her hands. _

_"You know what she needs Chilapa? Sophia needs someone to dance with. Why don't you go and dance with her?"_

_"Why me?"_

_"Because as Regent, she won't turn you down. Besides, this is a night of fun, so go have some. Don't tell me you planned on being up here all night?"_

_"And how about you?"_

_A smile broke across her face. "I'm saving all my dances for someone."_

_Chilapa shook her head. Everyone in __Amazonia__ knew about the deep bond between Xena and Gabrielle, most long before the two of them realized it. The couple was the talk and envy of many of the Amazons._

_"And where is Xena anyway?" A frown showed itself upon the Regent's face. Proper protocol had been broken once again. "As your champion, she should be up here with you."_

_"Trust me, Xena is never too far away." Gabrielle didn't have to look up, for she felt her warrior princess' eyes on her. "She is standing to the left, near the pavilion, in the far corner." _

_Chilapa looked up to the area that the bard had described and Xena was standing right there. Chilapa looked back at Gabrielle in astonishment. "How did you do that?"_

_"Practice." Gabrielle looked at her warrior and smiled; liking what she saw. The warrior princess had her usually brass armor and dark brown leathers. But both had been thoroughly cleaned and oiled. One had to be either dead or totally oblivious (like Joxer) to not notice the charge in the air between the two. They did not take their eyes off of each other as Xena made her way towards the daises. _

_Chilapa was so enthralled with what was happening on her left, that she didn't noticed that someone had managed to sneaked up on her right side._

_"You know, if someone could bottle up the chemistry that those two have, that person would be a very rich and happy person." Sophia grinned as she realized that Chilapa was taken completely off guard. Chilapa soon recovered._

_"Of course, if true love could be bottled, it wouldn't be worth much, guardian."_

_"Ah-ah. Former guardian." They watch as Xena extended a hand towards the Queen, and after she had taken it, led her to the dance area. "I don't know about that. True love, even if it could be bottled up, it would still be very rare." She looked at the Regent, giving a dazzling smile, "As rare as someone with your beauty and your power."_

_"Tell me guardian, do lines like that usually work?"_

_"Sometimes. But I can see that it didn't work with you, so let me cut to the chase." She extended her arm. Will you please dance with me?"_

_Chilap shook her head. "No. You see, proper protocol states that I, as Regent, get to chose my dance partners." She extended her arm. "So will you dance with me?"_

_Sophia threw her head back and laughed. "I would be honored." _

_Sophia linked her arm with Chilapa's as they headed towards the dance area._

_"Are you okay Gabrielle?"_

_"Yes, why?"_

_"You are so quiet."_

_"Well, I had a busy day today." Busy was the word for it, as Gabrielle made plans for tonight; plans that did not include staying at the festival all night long. "I guess I'm a bit tired."_

_"Yeah, me too." Xena thought about all that she haad done today to make tonight perfect, and the perfect night did not include staying at this festival. Xena looked around at the Amazons. "Do you think that they would mind much if we cut out early? You know how I feel about festivals." _

_Gabrielle looked around and spotted her regent dancing with Sophia. "I don't think so. It looks like everyone is having fun, so they shouldn't miss us."_

_"Good." They walked back to the hut hand in hand. Before Gabrielle could open the door, Xena stopped her._

_"Gabrielle, I need to ask you something." Hoping that her surprise wasn't spoiled, Gabrielle turned around and asked, "What is it?"_

_Xena had rehearsed all afternoon what she was going to say, but now, looking in the eyes of the woman she truly loved, she knew she needed to speak from her heart. "Do you remember when we first met? I did everything to push you away. Do you know why?" Xena asked her love while tenderly caressing her right cheek._

_"I did it because I knew from the moment I first saw you, that you were able to touch me in places I feared to be touched. You managed to get in my life and in my heart. I have no idea when I fell in love with you, but the moment I realized I had, I knew it was for always. Although we are one soul, and in our hearts we are already joined that is not enough for me." _

_Xena then reached into her boot and pulled out a pouch. She opened it and pulled a bracelet from it. The bracelet was made up of two metal bands, one silver the other brass, that intertwined with each other. On each band was carved a pattern similar to the pattern on Xena's armor and where the bands crossed each other sat a small blue-green stone. _

_Tears welled in both their eyes as Xena slipped the bracelet over Gabrielle's hand and onto her wrist, "I know that the Queen is suppose to chose a Amazon to be bonded with, but I have already asked Artemis and she has given me permission to do this so. Gabrielle, Queen of the Amazons and of my heart, will you be my bond-mate?" _

_Tears flowed freely from the pair of sea green eyes that had seized and conquered the former destroyer's heart. "Yes." Gabrielle returned, wrapping her arms around Xena's neck and kissing her. "Yes." Another kiss. "Yes." They stood there, holding each other and looking into each other's eyes, as time halted. _

_Xena finally broke the silence, but not the magic. "You have made me the happiest woman ever." _

_Gabrielle smiled. "Come on, let's get inside." _

_As they opened the door, Xena gasped in surprise. The air in the hut was scented by both potpourri and lit candles that had resigned the darkness to only the furthest corners of the hut. On the table was an array of fruit, cheese, bread and wine. Gabrielle turned and wrapped her arms around Xena._

_"I wanted to surprise you." She whispered, claiming the warrior's lips with her own. The little queen then pulled back and gazed into blue eyes, eyes that reflected the passion she was feeling. "Xena, I want us to make love tonight."_

_"Are you sure?" Xena searched into the sea-green orbs for any sign of fear or doubt. Physically the warrior wanted oh so badly to express the love she felt in her soul for her bard, but only if Gabrielle was ready. What she found in her queen's eyes was passion and undeniable love. _

_"Yes." Gabrielle silkily returned. _

_Slowly they undressed each other, every new area of exposed skin was treated with a kiss. They walked to the bed hand in hand. Their lovemaking was slow and passionate; their bodies and words expressed what was in their heart and soul. After riding waves of ecstasy together, the bard and the warrior fell asleep, cradled in each other's arms. _

_The sun's rays streamed into the hut and shined upon the couple. Gabrielle opened her eyes and smiled as she saw her partner and the memories of the previous night danced in her mind. Love welled up in her heart for the woman laying by her side, as tears welled up in her eyes. She tried to blink them back, hoping that Xena did not see them. Xena silently watched as Gabrielle tried to hide her tears._

_"Do you have any regrets about last night?" _

_Gabrielle shook her head._

_"None what so ever. I love you so much Xena." With those words spoken, she kissed Xena, and did not break the kiss until she was sure she had proven her point. "So love, what are your plans?" She asked._

_"Long term or immediate?"_

_"Both."_

_Xena smiled. "My immediate plans include snuggling with you for at least the next few candlemarks." Her face became serious as she spoke the next sentence. "My long term plans center on one thing; to show you everyday for the rest of my life how much I love you." The smile returned to her continence. "And how about you?" _

_"My long term plans are the same as yours--to show you everyday how much I love you. My short term plan is very simple. I'm planning on starting my long-term plan right now." She pulled Xena's head down and kissed her and their passion for each other flared again. _

_The knock at the door interrupted them. *Of all the things to forget, Sophia forgets the Do Not Disturb parchment,* Gabrielle thought to herself. The thought was quickly removed when Xena's lips found a very sensitive spot on her neck. _

_They both ignored the second pounding upon the door, but alas, the third rap caught their attention. _

_"You wait here, Gabrielle. I'll get rid of them." Xena climbed out of bed and placed on a shift. Gabrielle could hear whispering, but she thought that Xena was just giving the intruder a piece of her mind. She closed her eyes and pulled the covers snuggly around her. Xena climbed back into bed and wrapped her arms around the bard tightly. Gabrielle could feel the tightness in Xena's muscles and knew that something was amiss. _

_"Xena, what's wrong?"_

_Turmoil and anger raged in Xena's mind. It seemed like someone was determined to snatch away their happiness. She knew she could not hide the truth._

_"That was one of the guards. It seems that the border patrol found someone coming across the borders. They are escorting that person to the village as we speak."_

_She took a deep breath before she continued. "Gabrielle, it is your mother."_

_***_

_Daughter finally confronts her mother; the truth is revealed; and too many bridges may have been burnt for there to be a happily ever after ending. Stay tuned for the (hopefully) conclusion of "Sins of the Father."_

_Oh yeah, FEED THE BARD. Please. _

_Written and (c)Copyrighted by: Paully __Adams___

_August 1, 2001___

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